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woolley last won the day on July 14

woolley had the most liked content!

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About woolley

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  1. woolley

    "Three'Ha'pence a Foot"

    Stanley Holloway's rendition of "Three'Ha'pence a Foot" Three Ha'Pence a Foot I'll tell you an old-fashioned story That grandfather used to relate, Of a builder and joining contractor Who's name it were Sam Oswaldthwaite. In a shop on the banks of the Irwell There Sam used to follow his trade, In a place you'll have heard of called Bury You know, where black puddings is made. One day Sam were filling a knot hole With putty when in through the door, Came an old man fair reeked i'whiskers An th'old man said “Good morning, I'm Noah”. Sam asked Noah what were his business And t'old chap went on to remark, That not liking the look of the weather He was thinking of building an ark. He'd got all the wood for the bulwarks And all t'other shipbuilding junk, Now he wanted some nice birds-eye maple To panel the sides of his bunk. Now maple were Sam’s monopoly That means it were all his to cut, And nobody else hadn't got none So he asked Noah three ha'pence a foot. “A ha'penny’s too much” replied Noah “Penny a foots more the mark, A penny a foot and when rain comes I'll give you a ride in my ark”. But neither would budge in the bargain The whole thing were kind of a jam, So Sam put his tongue out at Noah And Noah made long bacon* at Sam. In wrath and ill-feeling they parted Not knowing when they'd meet again, And Sam 'ad forgot all about it 'Til one day it started to rain. It rained and it rained for a fortnight It flooded the whole countryside, It rained and it still kept on raining 'Til th'Irwell were fifty miles wide. The houses were soon under water And folks to the roof had to climb, They said t'was the rottenest summer As Bury had had for some time. The rain showed no sign of abating And water rose hour by hour, 'Til th'only dry land were at Blackpool and that were on top of the tower. So Sam started swimming for Blackpool It took him best part of a week, His clothes were wet through when he got there And his boots were beginning to leak. He stood to his watch-chain in water On tower-top just before dark, When who should come sailing towards him But old Noah steering his ark. They stared at each other in silence 'Til ark were alongside all but, Then Noah said “What price yon maple?” Sam answered “Three ha'pence a foot”. Noah said “Nay, I'll make thee an offer Same as I did t'other day, A penny a foot and a free ride Now come on lad, what does thee say?” “Three ha'pence a foot” came the answer So Noah his sail had to hoist, And sail off again in a dudgeon While Sam stood determined, but moist. So Noah cruised around flying his pigeons 'Til fortieth day of the wet, And on his way home passing Blackpool He saw old Sam standing there yet. His chin just stuck out of the water A comical figure he cut, Noah said “Now what’s the price of yon maple?” And Sam answered “Three ha'pence a foot”. Said Noah “You'd best take my offer It's the last time I'll be hereabouts, And if water comes half an inch higher I'll happen get maple for nowt”. “Three ha'pence a foot it'll cost you And as for me” Sam says “Don't thee fret, Sky’s took a turn since this morning I think it'll brighten up yet”.
  2. woolley

    Advantages/Disadvantages Of The EU

    I don't need or have the inclination to prove anything to you, Albert, but you are wrong. The problems we have here are far more parochial than anything Brexit will throw at us. For what it's worth, I think that Brexit itself, if and when it happens, will be largely neutral to the local economy. I don't have a crystal ball though, any more than you do, so neither of us can make assertions based on current information.
  3. woolley

    Advantages/Disadvantages Of The EU

    You haven't a clue have you.
  4. woolley

    So the UK is finished says Theresa Mayhem

    Yes. The transfer to Ukraine was just a device by Stalin to Russify wider Ukraine in Soviet times. ETA: Just checked and it was actually transferred just into Khrushchev's time.
  5. woolley

    So the UK is finished says Theresa Mayhem

    If that's the best case scenario I can only conclude that you are involved in a profitable venture benefiting from the manufacture of military hardware.
  6. woolley

    Donald Trump

    Melania tends to do that. Sometimes he takes notice, sometimes he doesn't.
  7. woolley

    avoiding amazon postal restrictions

    And give them 80 quid a year for nothing?
  8. woolley

    Advantages/Disadvantages Of The EU

    It that's what you reckon then it's you who is non-thinking.
  9. woolley

    Farage Against The Machine

    Nothing wrong with using the peasants' chariot.
  10. woolley

    More death and destruction

    Your kids probably have a heightened awareness, Wrighty, because they sense your revulsion at what you see as the futility and waste of life and futures as you pick the pieces up working at the sharp end. Others will have a different perspective. There never seems to be a shortage of newcomers to the racing, for instance. I can see both sides and I don't know what the answer is, but I do hope that we are not raising future generations that are even more risk averse than we are today. People need to know that life is dangerous and full of dangerous pursuits, but that it is also exhilarating. A mollycoddled society is an extremely unhealthy society.
  11. woolley

    FIFA World Cup 2018

    Steady on, Stinky. That's the winner of the Golden Boot you're dissing.
  12. woolley

    Stealing Old Peoples' Assets

    Otherwise known as taxpayers' money.
  13. woolley

    Advantages/Disadvantages Of The EU

    Of course. Both eminently sensible.
  14. woolley

    Advantages/Disadvantages Of The EU

    There aren't many in that long list when you start analysing: Are they attributable to the EU? Are they actually beneficial or not? If so is the EU necessary for their preservation? Are they fanciful? Are they downright lies?
  15. woolley

    Advantages/Disadvantages Of The EU

    Sovereignty, independence and self-determination of European nations which can co-operate perfectly well together in trade and all matters of mutual interest without the Brussels centre. These are more important than this concocted list. Talk about accentuating the positive. Many of the items listed are either twisted a long way from reality, are attributed to the EU in error or are not benefits at all. Of course, the Guardian readers will lap it up. As usual, EU supporters give it credit for everything that is nothing to do with the EU. I particularly like number 40, the old chestnut about the EU and peace. And all of the mentions of "EU money" and the EU "providing funding" are fatuous. As everyone knows, the EU has no money other than that which it extracts from taxpayers in its ever more voracious budget contributions. Keeping prices down? No. Lots of stuff we buy from around the world is expensive because of EU tariffs. We could more beneficially just have a free trade agreement in Europe and negotiate our own arrangements outside, well away from the CAP. I note he is also championing the euro as a benefit. Quite ironic as the single currency is seemingly doing its level best to bring the whole edifice tumbling down.