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Uhtred

Boozer’s excuse

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A bloke is constantly out on the lash with his mates, returning home in the early hours completely wasted. Eventually his wife has had enough and issues an ultimatum; “One more time pal and I’m out of here”.

Sure enough, a couple of nights later he’s in the pub so hammered he throws up all over himself. “I’m in serous bother now” he tells his mates, “when she sees this she’ll be gone for good”. 

“No way” says his best mate, “just put a £20 note in your jacket pocket and when you get home tell her some other guy threw up on you and the twenty quid is what he gave you for the dry cleaning bill”.

”Genius” says our drunken friend, and heads home.

After hearing him try to get the key in the lock for ten minutes, the wife is waiting in the hall as he staggers in. She takes one look at the state of him and says “My bags will be packed in less than half an hour”. 

“No, no” he protests, “some other bloke threw up on me and gave me £20 for my dry cleaning bill...look”.

”If that’s so”’, she says, “ how come you’re proudly waving two £20 notes in my face?”

”Ah...” he replies, “the other one is from the bloke who shat in my pants”.

 

  • Haha 1

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16 minutes ago, Shake me up Judy said:

Jim Davidson used to tell a version of that one in the days before the politically correct brigade. 

Uhtred's version is better, as she is not being paid to be funny.:lol:

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