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Friday April 11th


TomGlassey

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9.10 a.m. I'm just back from morning walk. Its raining and I never met a soul on my wanderings. I was really hoping to take my boat Silverburn out on her sea trials later this afternoon, however, those nasty men at Ronaldsway have forecast the wind will go round to the southwest and increase to about force 5 which will mean we put off our sea trials until tomorrow.

 

Listening to the radio this morning I hear that the 45 million pound extension to the runway at Ronaldsway is going ahead. It seems that this extension is being built for no other reason other than to comply and bring Ronaldsway in to line with EEC standards on Runways. Yes, that exclusive club that we are not a member of, are at it again and even though we don't have a membership card, it seems that Tynwald members appear to have given the doormen in Brussels the slip. Still, I guess it is comforting to know that in the unlikely event, passengers wishing to fly direct from New York to the IOM, will be able to do so. I suppose its only a question of time before the Harbour board are instructed to lengthen the Victoria pier by about half a mile, just in case the QE2 decides to drop in on us one day. Are we about to be told that Castletown football stadium also does not comply with the latest UEFA regulations and therefore it must be extended to a 50,000 all seater capacity facility just in case Uefa ever decide they want to play one of their cup finals there. Well should the European cup final ever be played at Castletown, at least we will be able to fly the fans in, in jumbo jets or, sail them across from Liverpool onboard luxury liners. That is of course providing all the cabins are not taken up by the Euro bureaucrats.

 

A few years ago, I wrote a poem about the building of a public toilet in Ballabeg. The poem was written tongue in cheek. However, many a true word has been spoken in jest and the poem has never been more apt than today.

 

Now the folks of Ballabeg drink an awful lot of tea,

But they never have been able to have a public pee,

So the Commissioners decided they would see what they could do,

To keep the people happy they would build a public loo.

 

Now the job they had in mind, in a simple quiet location,

Was just a little hut, with a toilet and wash-basin,

So they put it out to tender to obtain the lowest bid,

And from Dan Kinvig they got a quote, of around three hundred quid.

 

Now Dan's bid was accepted and the work it soon commenced,

But Tynwald got to hear of it and rather took offence,

Its seems they found a problem with the planning application,

And the loo did not comply with all the modern regulations.

 

So the Commissioners handed over, to the MHK'S.

Who promptly decided the project must be phased.

So Dan Kinvig was summoned and told to sod off home.

And consultants and lawyers, from London in were flown.

 

Now the consultants did a survey and from that they did decree.

To comply with project Iris they would need a lot more pee.

So new plans were instigated and the draft was soon made final.

To make it EEC compliant and build a larger grand urinal.

 

So surveyors came from England and structural engineers.

Lunatics and odd balls with all their daft ideas.

They submitted their quotation, then ran away and hid.

As their estimate reached Tynwald, for sixty million quid.

 

That's fine of course said Tynwald, its well within our budget.

And even if it wasn't, one of us would fudge it.

The plans were duly passed and commissioners were heard to cry.

"We didn't want a toilet, 14 stories high."

 

But Tynwald was unmoved and set about the job.

Of building in the village a multi storied bog.

A building firm was sought, the size of the Armada.

And a contract was drawn up and awarded to Dandara.

 

Petitions started raining in, for there was much disquiet.

And the quiet folk of Ballabeg rose up and caused a riot.

The MHK'S held meetings to think the matter through.

And decided it was best if Douglas got the loo.

 

So new plans they were drawn and more consultants gathered.

And to the sixty million quid, several naughts were added.

But Douglas didn't want it, they said they would get by.

They didn't need a ****house, not 14 stories high.

 

Now 50 years past by, and not a brick's been laid,

The MHK'S still meet and the consultants still get paid.

The MHK'S are busy, we know not what they'll do.

And the folks of Ballabeg, they got a cheaper loo.

 

For a hut was built by Dan Kinvig for the folk of Ballabeg.

At the bottom of his garden, they've got a nice Thie Veg.

He didn't use consultants, to build his little loo.

Or spend sixty million quid, just a trip to B and Q

 

So people, until tomorrow, this is Tom Glassey with news at 9.45 from the banks of the Silverburn River, which probably as I write is presently being widened and lengthened by the DOT so that it complies with the Brussels definition of a river and therefore will end up with an estuary at both ends, The Point of Ayre and, the Sound.

 

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