Mr. Sausages

Jerry Seinfeld told these jokes when he performed at laxey yacht club recently. Q: where did the orange live? A: peel. Q: when the bishop visited santon how did he know he wasn’t on Laxey beach? A: because santon lacks sea, bitch. Q: who are the most popular movie stars in Kirk Michael and Douglas? A: Kirk Douglas and Michael Douglas. Q: who are the most popular movie stars in Ramsey? A: Margo Robbie, Guy Pearce and any other actors who once lived on Ramsay Street. Q: who are the most popular pop stars in Ramsey? A: Stephan Dennis, Craig McLaughlin, and any other actors who once lived on Ramsay Street. Q: how many people from Port st Mary does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 3 or 4. Q: how many people from Port Erin does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 7 or 8.

A man with a giant pumpkin for a head walks up to his friend (who was from maughold).. The friend says, “My God! What happened to your head!?” “Well,” says the man, “I found a genie in a lamp who granted me three wishes.” “What did you wish for?” says the friend. “For the first one I wished for a hundred million dollars, and I got it!” “And the second?” “For the second wish I asked for the most beautiful woman in the world,” says the man, “and I got her too.” “The third wish?” “The third wish is where I really messed up...” says the man. “What went wrong?!” says the friend. “Well,” says the man, “I wished for a giant pumpkin head...”

Twitter thinks he’s finally going to prison for something or other again

This is obviously an attempt to find out where I hide my keys and I’m not falling for it a third time.

Just heard the next queen is going to be a MAN! Political correctness gone made. Woke nonsense.

Can’t believe she’s Pete Tong. Taken far too young.

So? So the British should accept liars and lawbreakers too?

Lol, I properly thought it was. I’ll just pretend it is then.

Sort of trump related because she’s a crazy maga republican, but the craziness isn’t a political act. She’s always been crazy. And cringey.

Cos he wants them to do it again. Asap.

I tie all my old ones to the side of the boating lake in onchan park. Got away with it unchallenged so far.