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Uhtred

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Everything posted by Uhtred

  1. Here’s an excellent use of taxpayers’ money. Would anyone care to nominate a suitable location and the most suitable “ceremonial robes”. How about head down on a bus in full camouflage combat gear? Be quick, applications close on Friday. https://www.gov.im/media/1364116/20190111-quick-quote-web-advert-cot-eoi-004.pdf
  2. Uhtred

    Cut & paste

    That’s it in a nutshell - well said. Ashford’s craven comments on IOMN website this morning are a crushing indictment of his ineptitude too.
  3. Uhtred

    The budget

    Fewer alleged...
  4. Uhtred

    Moorehouse Strikes Again

    The Ballabeg Clusterfuck sound like a hip-hop collective of particularly dodgy Manx rappers. It includes Killah Killabrega, Masta Spaldrixx, Gangsta-Mann, Chief Fist-Ard and Hot Meayll.
  5. Uhtred

    The budget

    As some of you appear to have enjoyed my earlier report on the initial stages of the “Budget Speech Cliché Bingo” played by myself and my friend over coffee (and, I’ll admit, a glass of Prosecco) this morning, here’s what eventually happened... My friend and I each wrote out on an A4 card (one each) 8 cliche phrases that we expected to hear during Cannan’s speech - if by chance we duplicated any of each other’s phrases, then that was no problem, just as your bingo card will share some numbers with that of other players. (And indeed we did duplicate a couple, which were “reduce the cost” and “new and exciting” which when it came up made us feel very bloody clever). Although, as I posted earlier, I took an early lead with “hard working families” (a dead cert I felt) thus winning the bag of marshmallows spot-prize for “opening cliche” my friend took the grand prize of a very desirable bottle of Rioja with victory by 6 cliches to 5. Two of her scoring cliches that particularly impressed me (I had failed to predict either) were “emerging threats” and “building for the future”. However, we metaphorically beat ourselves up for both failing to include “no room for complacency” which, in hindsight, was the most likely cliche of all to appear in the speech. Ultimately, in conceding defeat to my friend I was doubly impressed, because in reality she scored 6 out of 7 having essentially relinquished her eighth cliche by offering the somewhat less likely “That cunt the Chief Minister”. You can’t win ‘em all.
  6. Uhtred

    The budget

    My friend and I are playing “budget speech cliche bingo”. We each have a card bearing likely Cannan phrases. I won the prize (bag of marshmallows) for the first cliche...”hard working families” passed his lips scarcely 2 minutes into the speech. The marshmallows are delicious. I love a cliché budget!
  7. Uhtred

    Shit and Piss?

    It’s not a rhino. It’s not a hippopotamus. I think it’s Moorhouse.
  8. Uhtred

    Isle of Man News and Politics

    He’s well off the chart.
  9. Uhtred

    Year Of Our Island

    It’s a great explanation but I think we all knew that!
  10. Uhtred

    Crayons at the ready!...sorry, oil paints.

    How long have you got...?
  11. Uhtred

    Crayons at the ready!...sorry, oil paints.

    Not all bad news then.
  12. Uhtred

    Year Of Our Island

    Each time a government fiasco is revealed, all roads lead to Quayle, don’t they?
  13. Uhtred

    Cut & paste

    Well if we start with the hiring of Charters, Quayle fell over himself to make it clear that was all his own work, but you’re right, there’s been an avalanche of fast-departing no-hopers since. Some were Charters appointees (it seems) but we seem to be on the next lap by now. Perhaps Mr Couch has been backing the wrong horses.
  14. Uhtred

    Isle of Man News and Politics

    Kind...very kind.
  15. No, leave Beecroft where she is.
  16. Uhtred

    Year Of Our Island

    Never mind a slice, they can have all of mine. In fact, I’m happy to deliver it straight onto Quayle’s desk.
  17. Uhtred

    Pubs closing

    As you’re a bit green, I’ll peek-o-ver my pun book and spoon out some more. Just to sugar the pill, I’ll give you some tips so you don’t feel like a lemon.
  18. Uhtred

    'Nothing to hide' says chief minister on tax

    Disturbingly, whereas you probably intended that as a joke, I fear it’s only too likely. Then again, the prospect of anyone other than Quayle doing it is actually appealing.
  19. Uhtred

    'Nothing to hide' says chief minister on tax

    You could certainly have some fun couldn’t you? The secretary probably produces his answers to Tynwald questions; it would be impossible to resist adding in “Yes, I agree, the Minister for Policy and Reform is indeed a monumental bullshitter”. If you did slip that in, I reckon the chances of Quayle reading it out are greater than 99%.
  20. Uhtred

    'Nothing to hide' says chief minister on tax

    Presumably the private secretary to HE is a Cyril Serpent and as such would inevitably have another Cyril as their manager...HE isn’t a Cyril. This is probably not isolated; I’m guessing here (you’ll know) but I’d expect that the Chief Constable has a private secretary too. The CC isn’t a Cyril, just as you weren’t, so his secretary is most probably managed by someone else too.
  21. Uhtred

    Pubs closing

    You’re just a stirrer, you mug; stop milking the puns, it’s not your bag.
  22. Uhtred

    Pubs closing

    It’s a strain but the money pours in if you can handle it.
  23. Uhtred

    Year Of Our Island

    If you’ve been caught out by Moorhouse, it’s time to retire to the pavilion.
  24. Uhtred

    'Nothing to hide' says chief minister on tax

    Actually, who in their right mind would willingly take on the role of running around after this berk?
  25. Uhtred

    Cut & paste

    I missed this post by Sheldon at the time...(sorry). If ever we needed (actually, we didn’t) a reminder of what a comprehensive sack of failure Quayle is, it’s this quote. They should ensure that it appears on the useless knacker’s gravestone.
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