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Uhtred

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Everything posted by Uhtred

  1. Uhtred

    Flat Earth?

    Hey Paul, the only thing flat-earthers have to fear is sphere itself.
  2. Uhtred

    Christmas chess....

    A group of chess enthusiasts arrive at the Claremont Hotel for their Christmas lunch. An hour later they’re still gathered around the reception desk recounting to each other how many tournaments they’ve won. The manager comes out of his office and says “Will you lot just get lost and leave the hotel!” “Why”, say the chess men, “what’s wrong”..? The manager responds, “If there’s one thing I can’t stand at Christmas, it’s bloody chess nuts boasting in an open foyer”.
  3. Uhtred

    Has my brother been in..?

    A penguin goes into a pub and orders a pint. While the barman is pulling it, the penguin says “Has my brother been in this pub today?” The barman replies, “Dunno mate...what does he look like?”
  4. Uhtred

    Mallett's Mallet

    Bereft
  5. That’s totally inappropriate and shouldn’t be laughed at. But I did.
  6. Uhtred

    Christmas

    I made it to 22 seconds. That was 20 seconds too long. I shall spend the rest of my life asking myself why I watched that.
  7. Not if you want any of COMIN to remain at liberty. Errr....
  8. Uhtred

    Moorehouse Strikes Again

    There is a deep and rich history of Tynwald questions being predicated on the rantings of a single individual whose nonsense is willingly seized upon by a feckless MHK only too willing to prostitute themselves on the floor of the court, rather than telling said ranter to do one. But Our Man in Ballasalla is shooting to the top of that league table of feckless MHKs.
  9. Uhtred

    P.O Strike Begins.

    Nonetheless it’s shame she devoted her time and energy to shoving the media equivalent of dog faeces through people’s letterboxes.
  10. Uhtred

    Moorehouse Strikes Again

    I just hope to Christ he wasn’t an English teacher.
  11. Uhtred

    Moorehouse Strikes Again

    No, it’s a moron.
  12. Uhtred

    Astronomy Stuff

    Very cool.
  13. Uhtred

    Astronomy Stuff

    Definitely flat. For sure. Really. Flat. Honest, it is. Pancake. Flat.
  14. Uhtred

    Daft Daphne is at it again

    Regardless of wheels within wheels, Ramsay’s critique of our shoddy government is bang on. As is his analysis of this Island’s failure to produce politicians with a national outlook and his demolition of the nonsensical Programme for Government.
  15. Uhtred

    Onchan's finest

    Nah...she’s thick enough to fuck it up unaided.
  16. Uhtred

    MyProm?

    My Prom, in the middle of my town, My Prom, gonna be fucked up by some clown, DoI are late for work, Harmer has to tell the boss it’s cocked up But he’s such a shocking berk, all the public know we’re bein’ sold a right pup My Prom, in the middle of the Isle My Prom, this will take more than just a while, Corpy bound to make a fuss, David Christian moanin’ all over Mandate, Don’t bother with the bus, the roadway will twist and undulate, My Prom, it’s even on the bloody web, My Prom, they think I’m just a sodding pleb, Alfie Cannan writes the cheques, he can’t believe so many zeros, Even more humps than havin’ sex, thanks a lot to Harmer’s fucking heroes (Apologies to Madness)
  17. Uhtred

    P.O Strike Begins.

    That’s a particularly stupid remark.
  18. Uhtred

    P.O Strike Begins.

    True innit.
  19. Uhtred

    Richmond hill

    Absolutely from the off this entire project has been a monumental shambles. The giant and costly car park for old nags, the sheets of water sluicing down the hill, the appalling road surface works. It’s a disgrace.
  20. Uhtred

    Mallett's Mallet

    affect
  21. Uhtred

    P.O Strike Begins.

    Well there is some good news...at least for the next 48 hours they aren't losing any of my Christmas cards.
  22. Uhtred

    Sexual Offences Bill 2019

    That’s true...all deliveries round the front please.
  23. Uhtred

    Sexual Offences Bill 2019

    And lead to phantom pregnancies.
  24. Uhtred

    Sexual Offences Bill 2019

    The earth moved for everyone.
  25. Uhtred

    Mallett's Mallet

    Aeneid
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