Langweilig

Today I hate...myself for being curious about Ramsey shopping mall. Three precious minutes of my life that I'll never, ever get back.

I read a comment in a hotel guestbook in Loch Promenade. "The sand is too hard" The best joke is in Port Erin railway station. An advert for travel sickness pills "COMPLETELY HARMLESS - Please read directions carefully."

The Mannan running on three engines? Well, I had a bit of an experience with IOMSPC this summer. I travelled to the island on the Snaefell, which should be renamed the Snafu*. Why? Yes, only three out of four engines running meaning an extra half-hour's journey time. The Captain promised to use favourable wind, tides and witchcraft to make up for the loss. Practically every summer for the past four years when I've travelled to the IOM, I've experienced the "three engines" explanation. I think this is a fuel saving measure as it's happened once too often. The Passenger Services Manager on the Snaefell is a washing machine. Some old man had been having a crafty puff on a cancer stick in the bogs. The PSM wasn't happy. "Passengers are reminded that smoking is not permitted anywhere on the Snaefell. SO STOP IT NOW, DON'T DO IT AGAIN! IT'S NAUGHTY! I mean, can't you just stop and consider the needs of others? Please don't smoke, it stresses me out and you're going to make me cry! Won't you please think of the children? Sniffle, Sob, BOO HOO! I returned from the IOM on the Mannan. I have to say that is marvellous, spacious clean ferry. Very well set out and loads of legroom. Knowest thou that the Captain is Italian? I heard his welcome announcement and I could only understand half of it. I swear at one stage he drifted from English into Italian. He may well have been saying,"Hey yousa no causa da trouble on a my boata. You causa da trouble, I givea you da concrete shoes and a you sleepa wid da fishes! Capische? According to legend Mannan Mac Lir was a skilled navigator. Off the Copeland Islands the ship came to a dead stop. Captain Vincenti explained this was to take on a pilot to guide us into Belfast harbour. *Situation Normal All Fucked Up.

After 10 days spent on the island I can honestly say that the bus service is absolutely marvellous. All the bus drivers are professional, helpful and will literally stop on a sixpence to let passengers on or of the buses and they always take time to say "Thank you" as you get off buses. I have to say that some of the drivers are quite cool. Fares are reasonable with £2.10 from Douglas to Peel; £ 1.00 from Peel to Glen Maye and the fare on the X3 from Bank's Circus over the mountain road was money well spent. I particularly liked it when the Peel bus went supersonic between Union Mills and Ballacraine. Great! So give yourselves a big hand, a pat on the back and a big bag of Manx knobs to share around.

The Terraza Cafe in the sea terminal. Menu - A 4oz. burger with chips. A 6oz burger with chips. An 8oz burger with chips (£8.50!) or if you prefer - fuck all. The Ice cream parlour at the Villa Marina arcade does quite commendable cheese & onion paninis.

What the Hell have IOMSPC been smoking? In Belfast, the company has abandoned the old Steam Packet terminal building and moved down river to a new terminal which was formerly used by Stena Line. The building they use now is little more than an oversized metal shed and was "The Truckers Lounge" in its Stena days. The decision to move to a new location was "to serve the newer, larger vessels."

What, £15.99 for a non-stick frying pan? Ridiculous!

So you're going around shouting "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!

What a ridiculous waste of money.

Ta shen eie mie. Cha nel monney buill erbee ayn son screeu gaelg ayns yn internet. Jean eh, ghooinney! S'mie lhaim unilang - agh t'eh beggan ro ard - as t'ad jus' loayrt mychione y çhengey - share lhiams loayrt mychione reddyn elley as s'cummey lhiam my ta mee jannoo marranyn. Vel oo cummal ayns Mannin ec y traa t'ayn? Nee ben, ny dooinney uss? Half past two.

WTF is this MHK on about? I used the IOM transport buses extensively last time I was on the island. I have to say I was very pleased with the service. I was able to get a bus from Lord Street out to Peel at 8.40am on a Sunday morning and for the princely sum of two quid. Why is there an instruction that prioritises sitting on the top deck of a double decker? To honour the ancient Norse God of sitting on top of things? As for other routes to Castletown, Port Erin, Port St. Mary and even Cregneash and the Sound, all very well served, even taking in Noble's Hospital and Ronaldsway. IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT! The only congestion I experienced was the bus route past the post office at Union Mills towards the hospital. That road is a little toooo narrow for buses and there's traffic calming.

What's the name of that pub next to the railway station in Laxey. I went into that pub one Saturday afternoon as I wanted a refreshing pint of beer. So there I was with very few customers in the pub, waiting and......waiting to be served. After about 10 minutes I gave up and walked out with an audible "fuck this!". I waited until I got back to Douglas and went into the Terminus Tavern. (Nice pub, food looks great, want to go there again.) I was served immediately. Maybe it's some pub staff who are shite.

My fare as a foot passenger with the IOMSPC was £49 return. Out of that was £10 of a fuel surcharge.

I hope this isn't a waste of money. Last summer I went into a well-known travel agent (the names of which rhymes with books). "Hello, I'd like to book a return journey on the IOMSP as a foot passenger to Douglas." "Douglas? Where's that?" Honestly, I do despair. I don't think that Manx people have a Scouse accent, it's more a mix of Yorkshire and Lancashire accents. I first visited the island in 2005 after many years and I honestly expected the accent to be "Oooh arrrr, we dun't loike yur zort roun' these paaarts." Only because I visited Ned Beg's place at Cregneash. You really don't need to spend that amount of money to attract me to Ellan Vannin, I love the place and I would go back any time.

From what I've read about the Isle of Man, it is NOT part of the United Kingdom. It's a Crown dependency. It is NOT part of the European Union and it has it's own currency and makes it's own laws. So why can't the Tynwald tell the EU to go get stuffed? Answers on a pigeon please.

There's a hi-viz vest on permanent display inside the unfinished Villa Marina arcade. It may be there for many years to come.

Would the authorities in Douglas, Peel and Port Erin please take note? http://uk.news.yahoo.com/rtrs/20080822/tuk...ls-fa6b408.html

Yes, I know it's the Daily Wail, but what would the founder of the RNLI make of the Health & Safety jobsworths? http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10...schoolgirl.html

Can't say I've ever heard a baby cry during a crossing. I quite enjoy the "free" coffee, biscuits, soft and alcoholic drinks and sandwiches all served by the nice attentive hostess. Must admit though, the one time I went for a nose around the shop it did look a bit grim down on the lower deck. It's the "Screeching Monkey Chorus" that starts when you're about 40 minutes from landing.

No. Bit worrying that you did though. Jeez, I wouldn't like to give you any Rorschach ink blot tests. lol

What it said to me was, "What a dreadful eyesore." There's a memorial near the camera obscura. Please get rid of that vessel.

It's probably been the Steam Packet Company out on the scrounge for a replacement ferry

Given past disasters with the Steam Packet ferries, it does worry me when I hear the safety announcement "In the unlikely event of an emergency." Perhaps the MHK's would like to do something useful and open up some competition provided by either P&O or Stena Line if the Steam Packet Co. proves unreliable. Last year I travelled on a French ferry to Douglas because the Viking was out of service.

That seaside cafe opposite Peel Sailing Club now serves up food in styrofoam cartons because of the seagulls nicking food. At Port Erin, the Nook Cafe warn they will not be held responsible for food stolen by seagulls. The authorities in Douglas dealt with the seagull problem by digging up tons of seaweed and sand and dumping it a little way offshore so that the annoying gulls can congregate on them. Not a good solution. When I was staying in Douglas the winged buggers would start squawking at 3am in the morning. I'd support a Manx gull cull.

The Steam Packet website is a mine of information regarding this little mishap. If you believe that you'll believe anything. I'm beginning to think there's a Jonah within the Company. They should use that old wrecked rustbucket of a trawler moored at South Quay and crew it with Tourette's sufferers. They might have better luck then. All that wreck does is attract bird shit.