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Why Football Grounds Are Like Women....


StuartT
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Looks like you got him to a T.

 

you should stick to telling us how you wear a kilt to go out and your dancing is really cool.

 

 

I don't ever say my dancing is cool. Have you actually spoken to me in real life?

 

What's that got to do with it?

 

I suppose you may be a throughly decent bloke who adopts a tosser persona for the forums.

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1. there is a vast difference in brain cells with regards to worms and men

 

2. men vary from the well brained to the completley brainless

 

3. remember, it is only possible to think at one end for a man

 

4. tackling is always a means of bollock itching, check with owner

 

5. be careful, as a few pints of beer appears to be of harmful substance to a mans brain but in reality would not even have an effect on a womans

 

6. only some men use their manners

 

7. dont ever make public your desires to play with your tackle, also never mention your flatulence problem to the other half

 

8. extra time is dependant on bollock scratching

 

9. if the undercarraige does not seem to have length, suggest calling the game off, possibly even contact a surgeon

 

10. when having sex it is always nice to finish last for a change

 

11. little willies allow for nothing

 

12. always ask before bollock scratching, do not expect to be allowed to play with yourself and score. that can leave an awful red rash for the owner and may prevent further use of tackle

 

13. personal morals is something men dont have

 

14. it is illegal to have a package less than 2 inches

 

15. from time to time the tackle may be obstructed some dreadful disease

 

16. Bulgarian men are better

 

17. French men are frequently very nice too look at, however there can be sometimes an awful smell from the terraces which don't get hosed down as often as they should because of bollock scratchers

 

18. very few men are found with clean boxers

 

19. be wary of men with a room for rent

 

20. always be on the lookout for men that host ladies foot wear two evenings a week

 

21. men with waterlogged brains, can be out of bounds for up to 5 days a month, although this can be longer if u piss the owner off by continually asking him to stop playin with his tackle

22. men must agree to ask the women nicely for her permission before being allowed to go out

 

23. always look for a man that has never been played with before (or at least hasn't had many visits down below), that has knowledge of good foreplay and will really know how to perform the superbly for his partner

Edited by bubblybaby
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1. There is a vast difference in brain cells with regards to worms and men. Worms have more.

 

2. Men vary from the lightly brained to the completely brainless

 

3. Remember, men only use one end to think. And its not the 'top end'

 

4. Pocket Billiards will be played very often, check with owner.

 

5. Be careful, as even a few pints of beer appears to be of harmful substance to a man's brain but in reality would not even have an effect on a womans

 

6. Only some men use their manners (but none that you are likely to meet)

 

7. Don't ever make public your desires to play with your tackle, also never mention your flatulence problem to the other half

 

8. Extra time is always used for bollock scratching

 

9. If the undercarriage does not seem to have length, suggest calling the game off, possibly even contact a surgeon

 

10. When having sex the first to finish is not "The Winner"

 

11. Little willies allow for nothing

 

12. Always ask before bollock scratching, do not expect to be allowed to play with yourself and score. That can leave an awful red rash for the owner and may prevent further use of tackle

 

13. Personal morals is something men don't have

 

14. It is illegal to have a package less than 2 inches

 

15. From time to time the tackle may be obstructed some dreadful disease

 

16. Bulgarian men are better

 

17. French men are frequently very nice too look at, however there can be sometimes an awful smell from the terraces which don't get hosed down as often as they should because of bollock scratchers

 

18. Very few men are found with clean boxers (and again none that you are likely to meet)

 

19. Be wary of men with a room for rent

 

20. Always be on the lookout for men that host ladies foot wear two evenings a week

 

21. Men with waterlogged brains can be out of bounds for up to .5 day a month, although this can be up to 10% longer if you piss the owner off by continually telling him to stop playing with his tackle. Let us be honest. What man is going to reject a good game regardless of how much you piss him off ?

 

22. Men must agree to ask the women nicely for her permission before being allowed to go out

 

23. Always look for a man that has never been played with before (or at least hasn't had many visits down below), that has knowledge of good foreplay and will really know how to perform superbly for his partner

 

Getting closer...

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THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

 

Between 18 and 20, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half-wild,

naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

 

Between 21 and 30, a woman is like the UK. Well developed and open to

trade, especially for someone with cash.

 

Between 31 and 35, she is like India. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of

her own beauty.

 

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm

and desirable place to visit.

 

Between 41 and 50, she is like Yugoslavia. Lost the war, haunted by past

mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

 

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia. Very wide and borders are

un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

 

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia. A glorious and all

conquering past but alas, no future.

 

After 70, they

become like Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but

no one wants to go there.

 

 

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

 

Between 15 and 90, a man is like the USA ...... Ruled by a dick

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1. there is a vast difference in brain cells with regards to worms and men

 

2. men vary from the well brained to the completley brainless

 

3. remember, it is only possible to think at one end for a man

 

4. tackling is always a means of bollock itching, check with owner

 

5. be careful, as a few pints of beer appears to be of harmful substance to a mans brain but in reality would not even have an effect on a womans

 

6. only some men use their manners

 

7. dont ever make public your desires to play with your tackle, also never mention your flatulence problem to the other half

 

8. extra time is dependant on bollock scratching

 

9. if the undercarraige does not seem to have length, suggest calling the game off, possibly even contact a surgeon

 

10. when having sex it is always nice to finish last for a change

 

11. little willies allow for nothing

 

12. always ask before bollock scratching, do not expect to be allowed to play with yourself and score. that can leave an awful red rash for the owner and may prevent further use of tackle

 

13. personal morals is something men dont have

 

14. it is illegal to have a package less than 2 inches

 

15. from time to time the tackle may be obstructed some dreadful disease

 

16. Bulgarian men are better

 

17. French men are frequently very nice too look at, however there can be sometimes an awful smell from the terraces which don't get hosed down as often as they should because of bollock scratchers

 

18. very few men are found with clean boxers

 

19. be wary of men with a room for rent

 

20. always be on the lookout for men that host ladies foot wear two evenings a week

 

21. men with waterlogged brains, can be out of bounds for up to 5 days a month, although this can be longer if u piss the owner off by continually asking him to stop playin with his tackle

22. men must agree to ask the women nicely for her permission before being allowed to go out

 

23. always look for a man that has never been played with before (or at least hasn't had many visits down below), that has knowledge of good foreplay and will really know how to perform the superbly for his partner

 

 

Nice one Bubblybaby :P

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Doesn't it make you wonder if the guy who originally wrote this was ever in a relationship? :rolleyes:

 

We give the wimin too much ammo with this sort of stuff! :unsure:

 

(Not aimed at Stuart)

Edited by Nick
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