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Punish? Or Let It Lie


  

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Do it to him in a few weeks. Go out for a couple with the girlies, then go and stay at your mums or similar.

 

Phone on silent. Stroll in at 9am the next morning

 

"thats what is feels like fuck face"

 

Job done ;)

 

 

More likely though, he won't have noticed as he won't have gone off on a neurotic trip because you're late home.

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Obviously, everyone is different and our tolerence levels vary too.

 

I don't think it's unreasonable for someone to check in with their partner though, to let them know the state of play.

 

Okay, there may well be the trust issue if someone doesn't come home but at least if you let your other half know that you're kipping round a mate's place, it's not so bad (ie - they know you've come to no harm).

 

Nought to stop you doing the dirty on them of course but that's another story...

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It seems to me that a lot of the women on here (myself included) are wanting to not appear neurotic in any way by saying it's probably ok for your boyfriend to do this. And yes, we're all blind enough to trust our boyfriends so we'd believe whatever they tell us, nomatter what our minds are telling us different. Also, some of the men are accusing Miss Take of being a silly woman who's probably driving her boyfriend away by worrying about where he is all night and why she's confused that his phone is ringing when he said it was switched off. The men who think this probably want us all women to think it's ok because one of us might be the lucky lady who they want to believe them when they're up to no good behind their back or can't be arsed paying 10p for a text or want to prove a point about their freedom.

 

Every relationship is different I suppose and if you really trust him 100%, then you have no reason not to believe him. But that's not really the issue with this case, where Miss Take does trust him and I think the issue was more about respect. I just wanted to take this opportunity to point out to some of our male posters that I think they're nobs. So thanks. x

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A similar thing described happened to me.

 

Me and me mates all went out one evening for a coupla jars and a yarn and by chance met up with a gang of girls. Well they were all having a good night out and we joined them. Then I turned my phone to silent, as you do, and thoroughly enjoyed the evening with my mates and new found friends.

 

Then come closing time we had had a few, and everyone wanted to continue the good night out. So we went back to one of their flats and had a right good time of it.......

<snip>........</snip>

......managed to arrange the excuses of who's place I crashed out in and waited until the girlfriend had gone to work before rolling home and successfully making my apologies at a distance whilst she was in the office.

 

Sorted.

 

edited to remove smilie

Edited by %age
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Sorry, I couldn't resist it!

 

Anyway, to be serious, there are relationships from hell based on massive distrust, vivid imaginations and the other half out drinking late. There are a whole load of good ol' Country & Western songs based on that sort of life.

 

... and then there is 'joined at the hip' (matching ski jackets optional) relationships.

 

Somewhere in between there is a wonderful way to share your life with someone. As someone has already said, I s'pose you need to establish a boundary here.

 

Sometimes though it is nice to have 'space' to switch off, even if it is only for one night. And that does not mean how I might have suggested in my post!

 

Good luck and I hope you let us know how you get on.

Edited by %age
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I agree with %age - as long as you establish boundaries then that is half the battle. I know when my fella goes out with his mates, I wont see him till 7am next morning as he is out raving etc - I trust him completely so I dont worry about it. I must admit though it is those unexpected times that your other half goes out and you are texting them goodnight or whatever and they dont text back, we had that once and i nipped that in the bud by highlighting that if thats the way we were going to go on, then i would do it - i did do it once, i went out unexpectadly, was drunk - last time i phoned him i was on my way to a club in a taxi hammered - shortly after that my phone went dead - he was frantically trying to contact me (me - i was just having a good time dancing away not even thinking of the trouble i was causeing!) I ended up staying at my mate Louisa's house (we didnt get home even until 7am) so I went to sleep and woke up at 2pm next day. My fella had been calling my mates (my mate Lous phone was dead also, and we had been asleep) he had driven from Slough to my house, and had been sitting in my house sick with worry.

 

I strolled up home with not a care in the world - to face an angry boyf who thought i had been up to all sorts, when in reality i had just gone out and only thought about my enjoyment, i wasnt doing anything bad, i was just being a bit selfish and I just didnt realise. I would never do that now as I know how much it hurt him and the trust was dented slightly - that has to be built back up, which is hard in itself!

 

He has done it to me in the past, so in a way we were even, however since we sat and talked about it, both of us now establish contact whether going out on the spur or not. I will point out thought that i feel men think that they have a natural right to do as they please and it dosent seem as bad, whereas women feel more pressured to make sure their man knows where they are, whethre this has to do with men being protective over women or whether deep down men dont actually like their women going on the piss - is a whole other topic!

 

And yes, at end of day like puddy said, a 2 second text takes nothing to put someones mind at ease! relationships are all about learning though arent they!

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I agree with Puddy, even if you trust your partner it's not difficult to send a quick text or even a drunken phone call from said mate's house if the mobile is dead, just to let your partner know that you are ok and won't be home until the morning. It's not about not trusting your partner, it's about caring enough to want to know they are OK.

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Just a word for the men out there, especially the ones with all the sarcastic / nasty comments.

 

you REALLY don't want to know what goes on in women's minds. You might think you have an inkling, but trust me, you're nowhere near. You're a whole solar system away. If you really know the thought processes that happen, you'd be running scared - scared indeed!

 

:D

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:) That's not quite what I was getting at, puddy!

 

I was thinking more along the lines of - what I wrote in the initial post was a tempered version of what actually went through my head. It got me to thinking about what would my fella think if I actually told him everything that I thought, a kind of emotion driven tourette's? He's run a mile (a first for him!)

 

I'm sure it's the same the other way round too - ie if we knew how often they thought about sex, for example!!

It's for the best that we seem to have an inbuilt censoring system, really.

Edited by Miss Take
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