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Stu Peters

Regrets - I've Had A Few...

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I sometimes wonder what people who say they 'have no regrets' have done all their lives. Sure, it's not healthy to dwell too much on the past, and reckon the numerous bad choices I've made over the years I'd probably repeat given the same circumstances (hindsight is wonderful, but usually worthless).

 

My big regret - and the failing that's bitten me repeatedly - is that I'm too trusting and honest. I tend to decide fairly quickly if I can trust someone or not, and on a few occasions that 'sense' has let me down gravely. But is that a bad thing - if the alternative had been to be suspicious of everyone I came into contact with?

 

A psychologist once told me that a small part of me wanted to be a rebel, and I think that's accurate. I also quite like taking occasional chances rather than plod along with the herd, usually they've paid off, some times not.

 

So the question is - do you have any regrets? With the power of hindsight I'd love to go back and do some things differently.

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I think there are two main types of regret when we look back over the course of our lives.

 

One is a kind of niggling, recurrent regret which pops up from time to time, often triggered by circumstance or some such, where we think to ourselves "why did I do that?", "why did I choose this?" and so on but which dissipates fairly quickly. I've plenty of those, but they're not so serious that I'm honestly bothered about them other than on a temporary and ultimately fleeting basis.

 

The other, more serious type, is a kind of deeper, existential regret. Something which consistently makes itself known whenever you take stock of your life and the greater scheme of things and acts to undermine or taint your sense of self and how your life has transpired; something which is always there, even if you're not conscious of it at all times, like an indelible stain on your personal history.

 

Thankfully, I don't think I've that many of this kind, at least not with relation to the 'big' choices I've made and the course my life has taken. Where I do have regrets resembling this kind, they're almost all concerned with my conduct in relation to others: where I've hurt or upset other people, or taken them for granted, and have no way to make amends. At times, those eat away at me.

Edited by VinnieK

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I know the weather hasn't been great today & you've recently given up smoking, but I think when you wake up in the morning you may well regret having started on the pop so early today, the night is still young & you're at the philosophical ramblings stage already.

I believe dioralite is good for rehydration, you might want to get some in while you can still walk.

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OMG, ofc. If people did not regret their thoughts and actions how would they ever change for the better? I hate myself for things I used to think or do but I'm happy I did those things because otherwise I wouldn't know better and some times the wrong thing is the best thing to do .....you might just go and die tomorrow so, do it but learn from your mistake - as long as it isn't an urge to seriously break the law or something with other serious repercussions that may effect forever if you don't die tomorrow :)

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Regrets? I have had a few, but then again too few to mention.

 

The only thing I look back on, and wish I could change, is my late teenage and early twenties. I was wild, and rebellious. I knew best, and hurt others with my behaviour.

 

Amazingly I came out of this with with an ex -wife who I am still friends with. We had a son, who I stayed close to as he grew up. He is now thirty, and a great person to be around. Luckily he never had the crazy streak I had.

 

I wouldn't change how things are now. My past is part of me.

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There isn't enough space on here - I'm thinking of missed opportunities that, with the benefit of hindsight, were staring me in the face. Ah well.....

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Used to have regrets about a lot of things, choices made or not made and the thought of what "might have been" niggles away.

 

However, not being religious nor being too heavy on lifes spiritual meanings and what-have-you, those niggles now either do not enter my head or subside a lot quicker with the knowledge that had any of those "opportunities" been embraced or followed I would not be looking into the eyes of my son today, (Or at least not this version of him) as nor would I be with my amazing fiance in our beautiful, but expensive house.

If I would have worked harder at school, didn't get wrecked before critical exams, put more effort in at my early job positions, cared about being in to work on time all those years ago I would not be in the exact place I am in right now and although I wouldn't know any different I am eternally happy looking into my little mans eyes and not regretting that it was all worth it.

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I like to be one of those people who try to live by the motto "never regret anything, because at one point in time all of your choices were exactly what you wanted", however sometimes it's not quite so black and white... life can also sometimes be very grey.

 

Most of the time i look at myself currently, and who i was in the past as two seperate people.. Or at least i like to try to.

I didn't like who i used to be. I was, for a long time, in a very abusive and controlling relationship and i'd been turned into someone who i didn't like being.

During this time, i hurt a lot of people who are very dear to me, myself included, and especially over the last 5 years i've really been hit in the face with the realisation that life is just too short to live it not being true to yourself and others. I didn't want to risk something happening, either to me or to someone i love, for me then to be remembered as something that i'm not.

 

Some things, many things had to change.

So i do really try hard not to regret things that happened in the past that i'm not proud of, because those things have helped me to move on and grow into a better person.. and i wouldn't be who i am today without them having happened to me, for me to learn those lessons.

I'm human, i make mistakes and i learn from them.

 

Today, i'm such a positive person. I'm exactly where i need to be, and even though things might not always be "perfect", they're certainly much more comfortable, and i know i'm in a much better position and frame of mind now to get to where i want to be in life.

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I regret not finishing my Education. I left School half way through my O Levels. Really wish I'd gone to University. Probably a bit long in the tooth now ...

 

Yoda ...

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No regrets at all. Have like everyone made errors of judgement but those make you who you are - assuming you learn from them :) am with Mr Sinatra on this one!

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I regret not finishing my Education. I left School half way through my O Levels. Really wish I'd gone to University. Probably a bit long in the tooth now ...

 

Yoda ...

Nah - never too old to learn. Maybe commitments means uni in the traditional sense is not easily achievable but how about doing a course at night school. Satisfy the burning what ifs. Finish what you started. Closure can be a wondrous thing sometimes.

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I've made many mistakes.

 

They've affected not only my life, but others' too.

 

You can only learn from them and try to carry on.

 

Regret is a dificult word - I've become what I am due to what has happened to me - and I am glad I can be proud of my life. So should I regret?

 

But then again other people have been affected by some of the things I've done.

 

The Jewish Days of Awe are an interesting way of dealing with the influence you have on others - it makes you confront the hurt you may have caused others and seek them out to seek forgiveness.

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Not too many regrets, really. I've made a few misjudgements some of which have led life down a completely different path, but that is part of my history and without them I wouldn't be where I am now and with what and who I have. Who knows? Life would have been different, yes. But would it have been better or worse?

 

I suppose the only real regret is doing something that is not true to yourself; you have to accept a bad decision made honestly to yourself, but a bad decision made on someone else's criteria and not your own is a tough one to swallow.

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