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Combine Harvester

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A guy is out cycling in the countryside. He goes around a tight bend and runs slap bang into a combine harvester. It's ugly.

When he wakes up he finds himself, hardly unsurprisingly, in hospital. Feeling himself for injuries he discovers, to his horror, that his manhood has gone AWOL.

Then a doctor walks in and explains that as the accident was a collision with a combine he was lucky that Mr Nudge was the only casualty. Absolutely distraught the guy can't see how that could ever be described as "lucky" and what would he tell his wife?

The doctor tells him that his wife has been waiting days for him to wake up and was nearby. But fortunately for him he was in the only hospital in the UK that could do a penis transplant. But it was expensive and couldn't be done on the NHS. Currently they had three options available. Would he like a viewing? Of course!

So the doctor comes back with the three options to replace Mr Nudge. He shows the first which they have named Mr Workaholic because you would have to work really hard to get the desired result and is £5,000. The second is Mr Steady because he's solid and reliable and costs £10,000. The third is Mr Wildman due to shape and size and is thus £15,000.

The guy thinks about it and then says that as £15,000 is their entire savings he would need to discuss it with his wife. So the doctor calls the wife in and leaves the room to give them some privacy.

After a while the wife walks out and the doctor asks "Have you made a decision?"

And the wife replies "Yes we have. We're getting a new kitchen...."

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I remember being in France a number of years ago and a Renault 5 and a BIG combine were disputing right of way in a village. When the combine opened the reel and started the cutter bar going as he edged forwards the Renault beat a hasty retreat. I don't think I've ever seen a car go backwards so quickly! Totally hilarious.

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12 hours ago, woolley said:

She's not much fun, is she?

John Bishop in Sheffield the other week.

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