Observer Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 A Cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong and the ship sinks. There where only 3 survivors: Ian, Darren and Deirdre. They manage to swim to a small island where they lived for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women to do. After several years of casual sex all the time, Deirdre felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with Ian and Darren was so bad that she did, in fact, kill herself. It was very tragic but Ian and Darren managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took its inevitable course and Ian and Darran were for some time very happy together. Well, a couple more years went by when sadly, Ian and Darren began to feel absolutely horrible about what they where doing. So................ They buried her.
Mission Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 You're on good form lately Obs. So, after they buried her, what happened then???
Observer Posted August 20, 2004 Author Posted August 20, 2004 I guess they masturbated a lot????? LOL
Mission Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 So they didn't go for the dirty bum sex option then?
Observer Posted August 20, 2004 Author Posted August 20, 2004 Well I did consider that option too ....... I guess they would - either that or dig her up and warm her up again!
Mission Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 But, surely, being on a tropical island, she'd be pretty warm anyway wouldn't she.
Jay Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 Well, a couple more years went by when sadly, Ian and Darren began to feel absolutely horrible about what they where doing. So................ They buried her. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Sound's like it was dead boring.
Jay Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 Another outrageous but amusing tale of how indulging the pleasures of the flesh can result in tragedy. (1998) A pre-med student from the University of Arizona was hoping to score with his date on a Friday night. To put the woman in the mood, he drove her to a lonesome spot on Mount Lemmon, which overlooks the city of Tucson, Arizona. They walked to an open knoll and admired the city lights. Overcome by the romantic locale, the lissome lass succumbed to his pleas. Soon they tossed their clothes off, made a bed of their garments, and began to make love. The heavy storm clouds rolling overhead mingled with the low rumble of thunder inside them. The excited lovers never looked up to see the charred remains of trees on the knoll. Their idyllic clearing was a hotbed of electrical activity that night. With a blinding light, a bolt of lightning struck the high point on the knoll, which happened to be the pre-med student's ass, and sought the path of least resistance straight down. Incredibly, he survived, albeit in excruciating pain. The heat of the bolt had fused together flesh and latex so that the two lovers were now stuck together. The woman unfortunately did not survive the lightning strike. When the student looked down into the vacant eyes of his girlfriend and realized she was dead, his immediate repulsion caused him to jerk away from her. When he found that he couldn't, a wave of pain and nausea made him vomit into the girl's face and open mouth. Heaving only caused more pain and illness. Finally he passed out. Attracted by the smell, a bear found its way to the lovers and began to lick semi-digested pizza and buffalo wings from the dead girl's face. The student roused from his exhaustion. When he saw the bear, he realized that there was nothing he could do but lay silently in fear. To his horror, the bear became dissatisfied with just a lick and started to eat the girl; loudly crunching her facial bones inches from his ear. The bear also sampled the student, scraping the back of his skull with its teeth, before moving on. At 11:35AM, a group of camping girl scouts arrived at the lover's tryst, where the pre-med student's car was parked. Minutes later, three screaming girls discovered the student, who had regained consciousness several times in the night and had managed to drag himself and the partially-eaten girl several meters towards the road. Doctors managed to separate the student from the corpse. According to a hospital source, his penis resembled "a small piece of cauliflower" in its flaccid state. The first hint of arousal resulted in so much pain that the student was unable and unwilling to achieve an erection. It is doubtful that it will ever again function in a procreatory sense.
Observer Posted August 20, 2004 Author Posted August 20, 2004 Totally gross and horrifying story - thanks for sharing that Jay :-P
Bill Posters Posted August 20, 2004 Posted August 20, 2004 Where do people find these things? One of the funniest I read involved two male partners and a hamster!
Observer Posted August 20, 2004 Author Posted August 20, 2004 Oh I think I know that one! But I didn't read it, it was a radio news item. Was it the one with the safety word? And the hamster, having been sent on a 'little mission' wouldn't come out again?? Ignition of gases etc etc?? Think I have that at home, will check and try and post it if possible as it was really funny.
Stavros Posted August 21, 2004 Posted August 21, 2004 sent on a 'little mission' <{POST_SNAPBACK}> It might be better if Mission gives the explanation himself! Stav.
Bill Posters Posted August 21, 2004 Posted August 21, 2004 "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. Got it from Snopes, so whilst it isn't true, it IS funny This audio file is hilarious. Apparently a newsreader was sent this and tries to read it out!
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