Dirty Old Monk

[zephyr]

The old monk had a habit

It was a hell of a habit to break

He’d been chased out of many a nunnery

The balding pate may have been a mistake

 

He should have got himself a coif

A capuchin or a guimpe so simple

He may have gotten away with it

If only he’d worn a wimple

 

This monk he was like Rasputin

He struggled against earthly desire

He wasn’t really cut from the holy cloth

For Nun’s habits set his lust on fire

 

Although he struggled gallantly

And prayed to be ethereal

His lust always got the better of him

He loved the nuns habits rough material

 

The Nuns in the nunnery had been warned

Not to let him into the ‘Dorter’

But he was smooth talking devil

So they did what they shouldn’t have oughta

 

The old monk was a randy old sod

His bells with the nuns they would chime

The poor misbegotten holy ones

In the Misericord would spend some time

 

The monk was not to be put off

Up a garderobe he would shin

He’d goose the nuns round the cloisters

Then ask to be forgiven his sin

 

He’d hide himself in the ‘Calefactory’

While the nuns were taking a warm

The mother superior with her anger raised

Asked god to pour on him scorn

 

But our hero the monk was a real man

Not suited for celibacy

No he’d prowl around the nunneries

He’d forget his monastery

 

One day the monk went too far

His penchant for nuns was too much

A hobnailed Mother superior

Kicked him right in the crotch

 

The monk still sings with the choir

The bass he used to sing low

But after the kick from the mother

Now he sings like a castrato