Bad Sex Award 2007

[Chinahand]

Its that time of year again folks - the annual Bad Sex Awards - read the entries here!

 

I particularly liked the "soft as a coil of excrement" simile in Norman Mailer's entry - maybe he'll come from beyond the grave to win!

[Gladys]

Morticia was powerless to resist as she fell into Rear Admiral John Prescott's arms, her heart beating in her breast as a tiny caged bird. She raised her eyes to look into his, smouldering like two Capstan full strengths in a barrack room ashtray and felt the world fall away beneath her as he cradled her very being and elevated her to heights of which she had never dreamt.

 

'Eh lass, fancy a quicky before we go through to the press conference? Put this in your diary.'

 

The Gagging Bint and the Surprisingly Libidinous Politician

[Chinahand]

I particularly liked the "soft as a coil of excrement" simile in Norman Mailer's entry - maybe he'll come from beyond the grave to win!

 

Looks like my prediction was correct: Mailer wins!

 

His entry in full (phnaww phnaww)

 

From The Castle in the Forest by Norman Mailer (Little, Brown) p67-68

 

'Are you all right?' she cried out as he lay beside her, his breath going in and out with a rasp that sounded as terrible as the last winds of their lost children.

 

'All right. Yes. No,' he said. Then she was on him. She did not know if this would resuscitate him or end him, but the same spite, sharp as a needle, that had come to her after Fanni's death was in her again. Fanni had told her once what to do. So Klara turned head to foot, and put her most unmentionable part down on his hard-breathing nose and mouth, and took his old battering ram into her lips. Uncle was now as soft as a coil of excrement. She sucked on him nonetheless with an avidity that could come only from the Evil One - that she knew. From there, the impulse had come. So now they both had their heads at the wrong end, and the Evil One was there. He had never been so close before.

 

The Hound began to come to life. Right in her mouth. It surprised her. Alois had been so limp. But now he was a man again! His mouth lathered with her sap, he turned around and embraced her face with all the passion of his own lips and face, ready at last to grind into her with the Hound, drive it into her piety.

 

I don't think there is much seriousness in this - other than to warn authors not to over do the sex scenes - there is something in Mailer's first post mortem award being the Bad Sex Award - I've not read any of his books, but his articles and contribution to the Rumble in the Jungle documentary "We Were Kings" mark him out for me as a fascinating social commentator - anyone read him? Where should I start?