billymacker Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 55 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the Government deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The Government has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your MP, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle. Sincerely, The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.) __________________ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barrie Stevens Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Ha! Ha! But there is actually such a scheme save for all the nonsense...I went on it when I got to 60 and it is absolutely great!...You get all the buntz at 60 not waiting to 65....All the buntz and I mean that...And you count as an OAP...And I can live in the IOM and still get it!...Many a true word spoken in jest.....Good innit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barrie Stevens Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 Ha! Ha! But there is actually such a scheme save for all the nonsense...I went on it when I got to 60 and it is absolutely great!...You get all the buntz at 60 not waiting to 65....All the buntz and I mean that...And you count as an OAP...And I can live in the IOM and still get it!...Many a true word spoken in jest.....Good innit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albert Tatlock Posted April 5, 2013 Share Posted April 5, 2013 That 'joke' is so old, it's retired. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alon Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 lolx... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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