Observer Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 From the Washington Post: The police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday. The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "That was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor. "I walked up to Lawrence and he's...just pumping away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?". " He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, "A pumpkin? F*ck me, is it midnight already?"
puddy Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 Very funny. I always thought penises in pumpkins was another urban myth (I once saw Syd the Sexist in Viz give it a go). But I watched the programme on channel 4 the other night about 101 sexual injuries or something and there were men sticking their d*cks in anything, just to see what it feels like. "Honestly Doctor, the hoover switched itself on and lept up at me and I just happened to be naked at the time".
Observer Posted July 28, 2004 Author Posted July 28, 2004 Really? Must be a boy thing then eh? Would have thought the pumpkin would feel more like a dead (& rotting) fish or summat. Their bits and bobs must be a whole lot better than ours me thinks........
puddy Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 They warm it up first in a microwave, I suppose it makes the vegatable feel more sexy or whatever. One man stuck his d*ck in a vegetable heated to 180*c and openly talked about his burnt cock experience with no shame.
Observer Posted July 28, 2004 Author Posted July 28, 2004 They warm it up first in a microwave, I suppose it makes the vegatable feel more sexy or whatever. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> The mind boggles - how would you make a vegetable feel sexy??? Whisper "Yeah, you're so big and hard Mr Carrot" or summat???
Cret Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 Have heard that pumpkin one before, some time ago. Really? Must be a boy thing then eh? Would have thought the pumpkin would feel more like a dead (& rotting) fish or summat. Their bits and bobs must be a whole lot better than ours me thinks........ <{POST_SNAPBACK}> You must be more than a little self conscious if the pumpkin might feel like rotting fish but still is better than your bits & bobs?! Never felt the need personally to dip the wick into any such weird things like that. Each to their own I guess!
Observer Posted July 28, 2004 Author Posted July 28, 2004 Oh ha ha ha! What I meant was (as I'm sure you are well aware already) that your bits and bobs must be way cool if it feels good sticking them in such a wide variety of apparently non sensual objects. Sadly, the pumpkin would do nothing for my bits and bobs, warm or otherwise.
zephyr Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 Pumpkins might do nothing for you females Obs but it does beg the question, why do they put them ripples on the top of 'Mars bars' and why are king size bars selling better eh? Could it be that the chocolate fix that women need isn't an oral experience? As for wrinkly bits on men you shouldn't be able to see the wrinkles as the balls will be hanging infront of your eyes! *Runs away and hides in Peel*
Observer Posted July 28, 2004 Author Posted July 28, 2004 King Size Mars Bars?? /Me thinks there must be some truth in this as I only heard it mentioned yesterday too..... *Snatches coat and runs off to Pickwicks*
Guest Rox Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 *just back from Pickwicks and crying as she wipes the freshly eaten King Size Mars Bar chocolate crumbs from her mouth* You could have told me that earlier!!!
Declan Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 s for wrinkly bits on men you shouldn't be able to see the wrinkles as the balls will be hanging infront of your eyes! Is she stood on her head.
Observer Posted July 28, 2004 Author Posted July 28, 2004 I must be really naive because I still can't work out how or why they would be in front of my eyes.... and I thought I had very good spatial awareness too? Mentally I have twisted the image this way and that..... struggling..... :-( Rox, take heart - at least if you ate the King Size Mars Bar your brain should have been fooled into releasing mega amounts of seratonin equivalent to the collosal multiple orgasms we only ever get to read about in a Jackie Collins novel. (Least thats what I told myself when I got back from Pickwicks and pigged out .... maybe next time...)
Ean Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 So thats me not being able to sell a king size mars bar without thinking of that now...thanks
Guest Rox Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 ... and that's me not being able to buy one from you without you knowing that I know that you know. Damn you Observer!
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