Cyberspace

[zephyr]

I spent a grand on a computer

Can’t figure how it works

I think I can manage word documents

Everything else drives me berserk

 

I’ve viruses up to my armpits

Re-diallers and porno sites

Can even get Valium and Viagra

From obscure American sites

 

I get E-mails from Korea, from Spain, from Italy

Who are these bleedin friends of mine?

They’re all strange names to me

 

If I need a better job I could get myself a degree

I don’t need to study, just need to pay the fee

 

It’s marvellous what they come up with

But I’ll tell you what gets my goat

The Fxxxin insurance companies won’t even give me a quote

 

So I spend my time in cyber space

On many a dodgy fora

Talking with people I have never met

I wonder if I oughta?

 

I really should get a life

Go out and mingle you know

I’ve found myself saying to folk ROFLMFAO

They haven’t got a clue what I mean

They think my brains bereft

Here’s what I say to them oh well WTF

 

IMHO I think it’s gone too far

The other night found me in a sleazy virtual bar

I’d visited the lobby; there was one in this pub

I was going to be a member of an elite drinking club

I met a woman called Spicy (I liked the sound of her)

She said she was into rubber, leather and fake fur

 

I bought Spicy a virtual drink, I chatted her up real well

I sprayed a can of leather polish so I could inhale the smell

Well wouldn’t you know, she was the same as all the birds I’ve met

She pissed off into a private room with a bloke who’s called Gillette

 

I assume she was into shaving to go off with that guy

If I ever meet him I’ll poke him in the eye

And now back to reality, back to the here and now

I bet bloody Spicy is a right dirty horny cow

You can’t tell what they’re like on the other side of the screen

They can’t all be toned and handsome like me, some must be quite obscene

 

My luxuriant blonde tresses flow over my neck and down my back

It’s only on my cranium I seem to have a lack

Talk to me of six packs I think I’ve got that beat

Mine is more like a barrel I can’t seem to see my feet

And now back to the fora where I can be a bloomin hunk

Instead of the shy quiet guy who dreamed of being a skinny punk