Jump to content

What Was The Last Animal You Killed?


monkey_magic

Recommended Posts

Posted

Mine was a snail. I killed it last night by standing on it.

 

I didn't mean to stand on the little fella so I'm sure Jesus won't mind too much. It was the crunch that alerted me.

  • Replies 56
  • Created
  • Last Reply
Posted

Any of God's creatures count, even spiders.

 

My Gran phoned me at 1.30 am today to get a spider out of her bath, and I didn't kill it. I used my Jesus approved spider hoover to suck it up and take it outside.

 

At 1.30 in the frigging morning.

Posted

I think all Gods creatures deserve to live, except flies (which are too hard for me to swat) and mosquitoes (which I squash without any guilt).

 

I killed two birds last year, but they were travelling in the oncoming lane - no adherance to the highway code. What could I do?

Posted

It's all well and good putting them outside but they just go and stroll boldly back in again!

 

Now, I'm not scared of spiders but I do get fed up with walking through cobwebs and having to clear the bloody things up from ceilings, window sills, door frames etc.,

 

Oh, and the person that mentioned that we swallow on average 8 spiders a year in our sleep didn't help matters either.

Posted
My Gran phoned me at 1.30 am today to get a spider out of her bath, and I didn't kill it.  I used my Jesus approved spider hoover to suck it up and take it outside. 

 

At 1.30 in the frigging morning.

 

 

I can smell your lies from here.

 

 

Oh, and the person that mentioned that we swallow on average 8 spiders a year in our sleep didn't help matters either

 

I had such a big fight once with someone over that and whether it was true or not. I won of course..... but I still wonder.....

Posted

I always kill spiders, sorry! If they're on the floor I stamp on them, if they're in the bath I wash them down the plughole. If they're high up on the ceiling or wall I'm frigtened to try and hit them in case I miss and they fall on on me, so I spray them with Mr Muscle cleaner and hope they they die.

 

A sparrow flew into the windscreen of my car once whilst I was driving, but that wasn't my fault.

Posted

Well, yesterday it was a chicken. And a little bit of a lamb.

 

On Saturday, it was a kangaroo (marinated on a pizza, believe it or not), and a bit more chicken.

 

I didn't do the killing myself. But it is still killing, just by proxy.

 

Today, so far, it's a pig. And, later, the rest of yesterday's chicken.

 

As for with my own hands (well, normally feet) . . . slugs.

 

Oh, and Christians. But they don't count. Jesus told me so in a dream.

Posted
I had such a big fight once with someone over that and whether it was true or not. I won of course..... but I still wonder.....

 

Well, I do wonder myself to be honest.

 

For instance, whether asleep or not, if something crawled into your mouth, wouldn't the natural reaction be to spit it out? I also think that a spider is unlikey to commit suicide and seeing as they can move pretty quickly, would run like mad to escape.

Posted
If they're high up on the ceiling or wall I'm frigtened to try and hit them in case I miss and they fall on on me,

 

If you think that's bad - just wait till next week - be prepared to have exploding flesh, feathers, bones and gull guts all over you too!

Posted
I killed two birds last year, but they were travelling in the oncoming lane - no adherance to the highway code. What could I do?

 

You weren't high at the time were you, by any chance?

 

I can just see the headline:-

 

KILLED. 2 birds by one stoned.

Posted
I can smell your lies from here.

 

It's true. That's when, ironically, I stood on the snail. It was raining at the time (which is probably why the snail was out and about) and I have a wet jumper to prove it.

 

I'm shocked that you think I could lie and mention the name of our Lord Jesus Christ in the same sentence. He died to save our sins, just like the snail died to save the spider.

Posted

If the birds were in the oncoming lane, what were you doing in it?

 

Did you know that:

 

Over 10,000 birds a year die from smashing into windows.

 

Slugs have 4 noses and a leech has 32 brains.

 

A snail can sleep for three years.

 

We share 98.4% of our DNA with a chimp - and 70% with a slug.

 

The silkworm moth has eleven brains.

 

Certain Chinese and American alligators can survive the winter by freezing their heads in ice, leaving their nose out to breath for months on end.

 

Stav.

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...