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Keeping Control



Today my neice Beth and her boyfriend Lee have arrived this morning for a weeks holiday from Wigan (or there abouts). Beth has been here many times, but for 17 year old Lee, this is a first. I'd have to say his geography isn't very good and he doesn't know much about the Isle of Man. He thought he was coming to somewhere the size of Langness and I won't embarrass him by telling you some of the questions he has asked about it. I could have a field day kidding him on, but I won't. :whistling: Hopefully by the time he goes home next Friday, he will be more informed and will have enjoyed himself.

Last week I received another email from Wendy with a few more photo's that her boyfriend Sean had taken of some of my aviary birds whilst he was over. I will attach the pictures. She also had some other news as well. Sean proposed to her in Peel Castle and so it turned out to be quite a weekend for them both. They are a lovely couple and have so many interests and hobbies. I think they should start their own blog as well, as they do so many interesting things and take part in re-enactments in England and abroad I think, though I may be wrong. He is also a keen sailor and Wendy does some ancient weaving/tapestry type thing that is little known. I can't remember what it is, but I hope she'll put me right.

This week has been a not so good one for me emotionally. I have no-one to talk me out of things now or talk through schemes that may be in my head and give me the fors and againsts. I'm a bit of a loose cannon and I suppose in some ways I have managed to recognise I'm acting impulsively or throwing myself into too many things and have now got to think more. I decided last weekend that another African Grey parrot would be a good idea. I decided Orry would have someone to play with and if anything happened to me, he wouldn't feel it as bad as he'd have his new pal. I saw a 10 month old parrot and decided Yes, I will have it but not quite yet for financial reasons. Yes folks, the insurance money is still not through and I have been waiting a form for the past 2 weeks which I have to sign to release the money! I'm going off track but thought I'd give you a quick update. Don't ever get insured with PHEONIX. Heartless sods! Anyway, my sister Janet thought I'd lost the plot when I told her another parrot was coming. She asked me had I though of how it would affect Orry, the new parrot, me etc etc. What if they didn't get on? What if Orry got stressed? What if they bonded etc etc? I was adament and decided she didn't know what she was on about. Then just to make sure, I sent Birdi and email and she said I'd have to check this, that and the other and if they didn't get on I could take them out separately and so it went on. I then checked on the internet and quite frankly, by then I was mortified. It would be something I could do if I wasn't grieving, but at the moment I couldn't do with all the upheaval and the chance of upsetting the equalibrium. Orry could end up stressed and plucking and I just can't cope with any extra stress or anxiety. Then the thoughts of, "If Tom was here we would have talked about it before I did it. He would have pointed out the negatives as well as the positives." All those thoughts just make me so sad and its all so true. I have been impulsive and now that there is only me, I can do whatever I want, if I want. I also know that its also a reaction to the grief. Anyway, a close friend explained the situation and the new parrot is not coming. I just couldn't cope.

Suzie the spaniel has seemed to have eyesight problems, but it only shows itself in dim light. She's petrified to walk around in the dark. I had her at a vetinary eye specialist yesterday and after a good bit of testing, I was told she her retinas are wearing and she will become blind. Absolutely nothing can be done about it and she may get cataracts which would be caused by the problem, but not to do anything about it as she will still be blind. The only thing we are testing for now is how slow the deterioration is. If it is slow she will adjust better. Anyway, I have plenty experience. In the past, whenever I saw a blind dog or a dog missing a leg, Tom would say "The dog is OK. It is only our perception of how it is, but the dog is absolutely fine." Hopefully Suzies condition will be slow and Skipper and I can make her life as pleasable as possible. There are lots of sounds and smells up the Silverburn and she'll get lots of love.

I know people like to here some of the tales about Tom and at the moment it isn't easy to recall them although there have been so many. PollyParrot tried to get me to tell one some months ago and I didn't but I will now.

Tom always wore a top under a jumper or fleece and whilst he was ill, I noticed he had a blue t'shirt that I couldn't identify under a jumper. It was just one of those things were I looked and asked myslef "I wonder which t'shirt that is?" as I didn't recognise it. Later that day he seemd to be a bit bad with his chest and I asked him would he like me to take him to Mandoc. He was on chemo at the time and we thought we'd be better safe than sorry and off we went. As we sat in the surgery the doctor asked him to take his jumper off so she could listen to his chest. He left his t'shirt on as it would be easy for the doctor to lift it up. His back was to me, but I was fairly sure I recognised it then. The doctor checked Tom out and then she went out of the room for something. I looked properly then and I was mortified. Tom sat there totally unmoved as I told him he had my nighty on. It had a little black cat, a teapot and a sheep I think. Even when we got home he sat the whole evening having a few drinks with his pals and he hadn't changed. I wondered what they would have thought if they'd known he was sat drinking and telling anecdotes with his wifes nighty on. We so many laughs throughout our lives I could probably continue for ages. My only problem at the moment is that I cannot recall very much. Again, its all part of the process. I do miss him so very much and I also know that there many more people whose lives he touched, feeling the same.

I'd better go now and see to my visitors. I will do another blog soon and report on our day out last week at the wildlife park with the falcons.

Love from Barbara on the banks of our beautiful Silverburn River.


Below is Cheeky the hen who Skipper particularly likes to round up, a canary having a shower, a turquoisine grass parakeet and a couple of canaries feeding each other.


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