I have been lying here listening to the birds and trying to relax and enjoy the sounds and also the peace that can be found behind the door of the bedroom. I was so busy the past few weeks caring for Tom and trying so, so hard to keep him with me even though I knew it wasn't going to happen. My mind would flick from desparately trying to get him to eat to acceptance of him leaving me. Tom and I always enjoyed quiet times together. Early morning was one of them and the afternoons were the others. This week I have had no quiet times except for maybe two early mornings, the rest of the time has been preparation for the funeral or lots and lots of visitors. Today is my last day for getting t all right and hoping i have not forgotten anything. The problem is at the moment, I'm not sure what I may have forgotten. I have organised the food, though I think I am confirming numbers today. I have organised the flowers but I have to write my cards and deliver them to the flower shop. I have sorted the music but the song going into the church has still to be completed and some means of playing the songs in the church. I decided against doing the eulogy myself as Tom always added a touch of humour and I am unable to do that. I would be too maudling. I wasn't going to read it, only write it for someone else to read, but I am unable to do even that. I have instead asked Toms other self, Ian Cottier, to do the Eulody and he will be coming tonight to see if I am happy with what he has done. I don't need to see it as I trust him implicitly, but he will feel better running it by me. Ian was Toms other self because he narrated Toms book "Who's Afraid of the Dark" which was serialised on Manx Radio. The vicar came last night and so we have now agreed the order of service, songs and reading which my sister-in-law Rosie is having printed today.

Tomorrow everyone from away starts to arrive and so the house is going to be quite busy. The funeral will leave from the banks of the Silverburn River at around 1.45 and it will do a small detour over Thirtle Bridge as a last goodbye to Castletown Harbour where Tom spent many happy hours.

I am still hoping to stay focussed but I know now that it is a forlourn hope. I do know that he will be wondering what on earth I am playing at though. I've arranged the funeral unbeknown to me at the time, on the biggest football premiership game of the season, the Liverpool/ManU game. Oh well, I'm sure he'll understand on this occassion.

Bye for now.