puddy

I've watched loads of horror films, most of which are shite and I recently watched 'The Hills Have Eyes', which was no exception. The only reason I'm writing about it is because it was sick, proper sick and it gave me nightmares about perverts raping me and drinking my breast milk. Weirdos.

Once upon a time we dissected liver in Biology, which was followed by English with the incredibly nasty Pink Lady. Some liver ended up in her kettle. I tried substituting Pritt Stick for Superglue on the old 'stick teacher to chair and escape from school for the day' trick, but it didn't work. Chalk never let me down though and my form teacher got so used to it that he would tease me by hovering above his chair, pretending to sit down and getting up again while calling out the register. We used to lock him out of the form room too, every single day, I never tired of finding it hilarious (but most other people did), just a quick flick of the handle and noone could get in. So many other things too, and I used to write magazines about the teachers which were actually incredibly perverted and quite disturbing for an 11 year old. I still have a stash of them under my bed and used to sell them in class. When one of my friends started teaching at SNHS she laughed and said she hoped she didn't have any pupils as naughty as me. The thing is, I wasn't really that bad. I was naughty in a cute, old fashioned kind of way. My attendance was excellent, I got good grades and only got senior detention once. It was the teacher's fault for being weirdos. There were so many scandals involving teachers while I was there, some funny, others definitely not.

I forgot to mention Dangermouse's bespectacled sidekick, Penfold. I think every school had one.

Lizard Man, Kanga Man, Pole Cat, Cave Man, Half Master, Plug, Whip Lash and Mr. Feel. You provided much entertainment during those difficult school years. So, thanks. x

I remember that guy, I hadn't made the connection so I'm a bit shocked at the moment. I always remember he said that he had met his girlfriend on the internet.

Years ago my Uncle claimed to have seen Little Grey Men running around down at Ballaghennie. They were probably just fairies, sorry, Themselves. Nothing unusual to worry about then. He still stands by this story, despite the fact that noone else believes it.

They'll be telling us what we can and can't eat next. Some people are very silly though and do need to be told. I used to know somebody who flushed babies disposable nappies down the toilet simply because they didn't know what else to do with them and they said the nappies stank their wheely the bin out. Also, I used to know somebody who flushed the plastic cases of daily contact lenses, some people have really weird habits. And yes, the sea at Ramsey is in a poor sh*tty state at the moment, it's really has gone downhill since I was a nipper, even the sand even smells of sh*t if you have a really good sniff (erm). I went for a swim recently and it was like being in bangers and mash soup.