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Funny Jokes


thelegend

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  • 1 month later...

Police were called to Glasgow central station after reports of approximately 200 people being stuck to the ceiling and walls

They believe someone detonated the first 'no more nails' bomb.

 

 

 

Was walking by the fridge earlier when I thought I heard a Bee Gees song coming from it.

Turns out it was just the chives talkin'.

 

A little boy is standing in Shoprite Ramsey crying his eyes out & the security guard walks over to him...

"What's wrong soul ?"

- "I can't find my mummy"

"No problem, we'll find her. Now, what 's mummy like?"

"Big cocks and Bacardi breezers"

Edited by mollag
  • Haha 1
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  • 1 month later...

My mate text me last night in the early hours of the morning. He said he'd had enough of life, and just wanted it to end.

I text back saying "Yeh, it's definitely not as good as the other David Attenborough series, but couldn't this have waited till the morning."

 

He didn't text back so I think he got the message.

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Lots of swear words with this one

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I ever get a chance to appear on daytime tv, I'm going to say:

 

Cunt, cunt, fuuuuck, shit!!

Cock, fuck, cuuuunt!!

Shiiitt, fuck, shiiitt, fuck!!

Cuuunt, shit, fuuuuck!!!!

 

That way, when they beep it out, it'll spell 'fuck' in morse code.

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