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Funny Jokes


thelegend

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Posted

Whats yellow and sleeps 3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Highways Board Wagon. ;)

  • 1 month later...
Posted

Britain used to be an Empire with an Emperor at the top...

 

Then it became a Kingdom with a King at the top....

 

Now it's a country.

Posted

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it.

He yells to his dad, "Hey, dad! What are you doing?"

His father says, "Son, I'm er, filling your mother's tank."

Johnny replies, "Wow, she must go through a lot of stuff, cos the postman only filled her this morning."

Posted

Police were called to Glasgow central station after reports of approximately 200 people being stuck to the ceiling and walls

They believe someone detonated the first 'no more nails' bomb.

 

 

 

Was walking by the fridge earlier when I thought I heard a Bee Gees song coming from it.

Turns out it was just the chives talkin'.

 

A little boy is standing in Shoprite Ramsey crying his eyes out & the security guard walks over to him...

"What's wrong soul ?"

- "I can't find my mummy"

"No problem, we'll find her. Now, what 's mummy like?"

"Big cocks and Bacardi breezers"

  • 1 month later...
Posted

My mate text me last night in the early hours of the morning. He said he'd had enough of life, and just wanted it to end.

I text back saying "Yeh, it's definitely not as good as the other David Attenborough series, but couldn't this have waited till the morning."

 

He didn't text back so I think he got the message.

Posted

Lots of swear words with this one

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I ever get a chance to appear on daytime tv, I'm going to say:

 

Cunt, cunt, fuuuuck, shit!!

Cock, fuck, cuuuunt!!

Shiiitt, fuck, shiiitt, fuck!!

Cuuunt, shit, fuuuuck!!!!

 

That way, when they beep it out, it'll spell 'fuck' in morse code.

Posted

fuuuuck

cunt shiiit fuuuuuck

cock arssssse

shiiiiit

 

 

tit waaaaank nob boooob arse

  • 10 years later...
Posted
On 5/30/2009 at 1:00 AM, Mr. Sausages said:

Q: What do you call a man having a heart attack?

A: An ambulance!

lol 

Q: what do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A: a stick 

  • 1 year later...

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