Lao Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Ages ago i wrote a warning thread regarding a martial arts governing body group that was trying to get a foothold in the Isle of man. Their business practices are largely shunned by the martial arts community but some small clubs still fall for their stuff every year. They find an existing school in an area and convince them to join their group, they then restructure the small clubs payment scheme, introduce a rather cynical joining fee (because people generally last about 4 months so get money out of them while you can) and market and brand your own line of club clothing, t-shirt caps etc. The class quality changes in no way, nothing is different, except the cost. anyway, i often get emails from that company, and others trying to copy the business model, and until now i have ignored them, but the most recent one got under my skin a little and i decided to answer them. i apologise but it is quite long, though very entertaining all the same. Their Email #1 Dear Mr Lawrence I am writting to you to inform you of an exciting opportunity that has opened up in your area, a chance to join the prestigious (censored) governing body. They are currently looking for just one school/club in your area to join, and intend to make the club owner the regional manager for that area, and as i have heard of the excellent work you are doing in your area, and as i am currently the nearest regional manager to your area i have nominated you for this position. look forward to working with you in the future, geoff (Censored) (contact details and application for regional manager position were attached) My Email #1 Dear Geoff, Thank you for your kind nomination of me for the position of regional manager, i just have a few questions. 1) How do we know each other? did we meet at an event or was it at seni? 2) What exactly are the duties of a regional manager? 3) What 'excellent work' specifically of mine have you heard of? 4) In what way would my joining of this governing body benefit my students? 5) Who is the head of the governing body? Thank you for your time Andrew Lawrence BlackdogMMA Their email #2 Dear Mr Lawrence i do believe that we met at seni, and as a result i have been following your success in competition and have heard from many others the quality of your students. As a regional manager you would be in charge of any other schools wanting to join our organisation in your area. this means that you would be in charge of recruitment, and each club you recruit would pay you a commission based on their student size. they would also have to buy all of their equipment from you, which you would get from us, at a discount. As i said above i have followed your competiton success, and it was this that led me to think of you when this opportunity came up. The main way that our governing body can help benefit its regional managers and their students is through our expertise in the field, we can teach you how to increase your student retention, supply you with the latest cutting edge equipment and teach you how to approach your local schools and police, to add more classes to your roster. We here are very lucky to have grandmaster X (real name censored) as the head of our governing body. look forward to hearing from you Geoff My Email #2 Thank you for your prompt response Geoff, on further investigation i have to say i am not interested in joining you group at this time, having done some research i cannot find anyone in your membership who could possibly offer me anything in the way of tuition. As im sure you understand in order to improve we must seek out people better than ourselves in order to learn something. should you gain some credible names in the business in the future i may be interested in joining at that time. Good luck in your endeavors Andrew Lawrence BlackdogMMA Their email #3 Are you seriously suggesting that you are a better martial artist than Grandmaster x? you are crazy, master x has travelled all over the world, trained with the shaolin monks and taught police and military all around the world. and we have several other masters in our organisation also. Dont miss out on this opportunity to be a part of the greatest martial arts group in the business. Geoff (previous attachments resupplied) My email #3 Im sorry to say Geoff that during my research of the members in your governing body, i couldnt find one coach that had earned a single accolade worthy of any real merit, plenty of 'black belt hall of fame' stuff that can be bought on the internet and other such back slapping self congratulatory titles that have nothing to do with real world accoplishments. I can understand why you would wish to get me to join, adding my teams accomplishments ( two UK titles and one welsh title) would be a real string to your bow, but unfortunately there is no benefit to such an association for me or my team. If i understand your business model correctly, now that i have turned you down you will move onto the next name on your list, so i shall be contacting all the coaches in my area and sending them a copy of our correspondance. Andrew Lawrence BlackdogMMA their reply #4 You dare insult grandmaster X ? you have truly missed out on a business opportunity that would have catapulted your club to the top, now you will remain an insignificant club that no one will ever hear of. You had better hope that you never bump into grandmaster X or he may well decide to show you just how wrong you are to doubt his abilities. As for contacting the coaches in your area, we will easily find someone else and when we do we will make it our mission to put you out of business. We will arrange a regular dojo storming and challenge your students to sparring matches, We will undercut your prices and run classes on the same nights as you. soon you will have no students left. Your arrogance is truly unbelievable, who do you think you are? i will give you one chance to apologise for this insult before i inform Grandmaster X, when he finds out what you have said he will most likely contact your own head instructor and have him strip you of your black belt. Geoff Thats as far as its gone so far, i have not bothered to reply to the last one, and i certainly have no intention of apologising. i better hope i dont run into master X because he might just attack me? sounds like such a level headed well balanced character, just the kinda guy you would want teaching kids. 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The Godfather of Manx House Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 It all sounds like a crap wind up outta Viz ... ...GOMH*... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lao Posted December 21, 2009 Author Share Posted December 21, 2009 It all sounds like a crap wind up outta Viz ... ...GOMH*... Mutli level marketing martial arts style, shitter than Viz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nathan wind Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 You were a fool to insult the grand master, and you will pay..... ....with your life! This is ace. It's like a bad 70s gung-fu movie. I insist you continue the correspondence! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lao Posted December 21, 2009 Author Share Posted December 21, 2009 You were a fool to insult the grand master, and you will pay..... ....with your life! This is ace. It's like a bad 70s gung-fu movie. I insist you continue the correspondence! how? what is left to say, the guy is clearly bat-shit crazy. should i challenge him to a duel? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slinkydevil Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nathan wind Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 You were a fool to insult the grand master, and you will pay..... ....with your life! This is ace. It's like a bad 70s gung-fu movie. I insist you continue the correspondence! how? what is left to say, the guy is clearly bat-shit crazy. should i challenge him to a duel? You should. It would be the honourable thing to do. But first you need to threaten him - perhaps you should warn him that you'll use the 'ancient style', or if that doesn't faze him, break out the 'flying guillotine' threats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tugger Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Quality stuff. Have you actually heard of Grandmaster X? Otherwise I agree with Nathan. It is your duty to these boards to carry on the exchange, until Grandmaster X becomes personally involved Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VinnieK Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 You dare insult grandmaster X ? you have truly missed out on a business opportunity that would have catapulted your club to the top, now you will remain an insignificant club that no one will ever hear of. You had better hope that you never bump into grandmaster X or he may well decide to show you just how wrong you are to doubt his abilities. This is sheer brilliance. I bet he said it out loud as he typed it, trying to move his mouth in an unnatrual way to make it look like real life had been poorly dubbed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
When Skies Are Grey Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Have you actually heard of Grandmaster X? ....and the furious five? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lao Posted December 21, 2009 Author Share Posted December 21, 2009 I had no idea who grandmaster x was, i asked Geoff in my inital email who was the head of the group so that i could research him, he's just another 9th Dan from a black belt diploma mill, the bane of my industry, he's probably spent more money on his qualifications than i have invested in my business. I certainly dont care about potentially insulting him or his cultish lackies, im just not sure how i would proceed. i don't really want to resort to threats of violence, it would feel like sinking to their level, i do train people to fight, but im also a civilized human being. if anyone can think of a decent angle to take from here im all for winding them up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisBishop Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 OMFG!!! This is absolutely Hilarious. Unfortunately the world of Martial Arts can attract some pretty insecure, unscrupulous characters with a lack of integrity.... exactly what martial arts is meant to be apposed too. Like you said Andy, exactly the sort of role model required of children and those seeking to improve their lives you don't want. These guys are wrong on so many levels... very amusing, but complete nutters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
%age Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 I find Martial Arts people to be generally very far 'up themselves'. I was down at the Port Erin amenity centre when one of the 'martial arts community' threatened an elderly chap who had inadvertently pushed in front of him or something. I think you're best to keep your tightly coiled springs to yourselves and certainly away from schools and tips. Keep the emails up though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gazza Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 ha ha keep it going see how far he go. while he is e-mail you it is time he is wasting. say your sorry and beg. say you would like to join now that u have seen the errors of your way. get him back on side and then start the well the grandmaster is a bit shit etc. its amazing how long they stay on the line keep it going i do this many times a year with the same sort of people Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knoxville Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 Another vote to keep it going, I'm sure there are plenty of people who can put forward suggestions to keep him going I love reading e-mail like this, espc the ones on 419 eater...........this has the ability to become an " internet sensation "......keep it going Lao edit : What you need is a Chuck Norris crossed with Mr. T persona to get back in contact with Geoff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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