Amadeus Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 I need cheering up. Hit me with your best local jokes. I start: A chef starts his new job on the Ben My Chree and everything goes well. Crew is nice, menu is easy and hours are good. But there’s one thing that bothers him: all the potatoes in the galley are shaped like penises. Every single one. Puzzled he goes and asks the captain about it and requests that they get normal shaped ones instead. The captain listens to him and replies: “Sorry mate, nothing I can do. This is a dictatorship.” 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Wright Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 With apologies, There was a Douglas City Councillor, a German, and he had no sense of humour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amadeus Posted November 29, 2022 Author Share Posted November 29, 2022 Banned 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Voice of Reason Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 43 minutes ago, Amadeus said: I need cheering up. Hit me with your best local jokes. I start: A chef starts his new job on the Ben My Chree and everything goes well. Crew is nice, menu is easy and hours are good. But there’s one thing that bothers him: all the potatoes in the galley are shaped like penises. Every single one. Puzzled he goes and asks the captain about it and requests that they get normal shaped ones instead. The captain listens to him and replies: “Sorry mate, nothing I can do. This is a dictatorship.” 3/10 I’d say. I get it though that you need cheering up 🤗. You’ve had a bit of a rough ride about the bin thing ( whether you are right or wrong) . Why can’t you Germans make proper sausages though? 🙂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amadeus Posted November 29, 2022 Author Share Posted November 29, 2022 Banned, too 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bastard Posted November 29, 2022 Share Posted November 29, 2022 (edited) After the storm earlier in the week, I was picking up rubbish strewn all over my back lane and saw my councillor. I asked him "where's your bin ?". He said "I haff not bin anyvere, I haff just been very busy with Council meetings". I said "no, where's your wheelie bin ?" He said "Zorry, I was wheelie in Hamburg". Edited November 29, 2022 by The Bastard 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevster Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 12 hours ago, The Voice of Reason said: Why can’t you Germans make proper sausages though? German sausages are the wurst 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b4mbi Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 How many Manxmen does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Manxmen don't like change. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Voice of Reason Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 2 hours ago, kevster said: German sausages are the wurst Don’t be a brat 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Passing Time Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 Customer at the German farmer’s market: “Two pounds of tomatoes, please.” Farmer: “That’s called a kilo.” Customer: “When did you stop calling it tomatoes?” 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turtleish Posted November 30, 2022 Share Posted November 30, 2022 How can you tell jesus wasn't manx??? Because he's from a cross. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Sausages Posted December 3, 2022 Share Posted December 3, 2022 A man with a giant pumpkin for a head walks up to his friend (who was from maughold).. The friend says, “My God! What happened to your head!?” “Well,” says the man, “I found a genie in a lamp who granted me three wishes.” “What did you wish for?” says the friend. “For the first one I wished for a hundred million dollars, and I got it!” “And the second?” “For the second wish I asked for the most beautiful woman in the world,” says the man, “and I got her too.” “The third wish?” “The third wish is where I really messed up...” says the man. “What went wrong?!” says the friend. “Well,” says the man, “I wished for a giant pumpkin head...” 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shake me up Judy Posted December 4, 2022 Share Posted December 4, 2022 Norm MacDonald joke wasn't it Sausages ? That one is all in the way he told it. Most of his stuff was. Very funny guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x-in-man Posted December 4, 2022 Share Posted December 4, 2022 An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman went into a Manx bar. They didn't complain about the brewery prices. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Sausages Posted December 4, 2022 Share Posted December 4, 2022 Jerry Seinfeld told these jokes when he performed at laxey yacht club recently. Q: where did the orange live? A: peel. Q: when the bishop visited santon how did he know he wasn’t on Laxey beach? A: because santon lacks sea, bitch. Q: who are the most popular movie stars in Kirk Michael and Douglas? A: Kirk Douglas and Michael Douglas. Q: who are the most popular movie stars in Ramsey? A: Margo Robbie, Guy Pearce and any other actors who once lived on Ramsay Street. Q: who are the most popular pop stars in Ramsey? A: Stephan Dennis, Craig McLaughlin, and any other actors who once lived on Ramsay Street. Q: how many people from Port st Mary does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 3 or 4. Q: how many people from Port Erin does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 7 or 8. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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