If two thirds of those who've viewed my blog are me - well, the figures still look miiiighty fiiiiine! Ic ould make up fuity rendezvous in the stationery cupboard and karmasutra on the boardroom table - giving new meaning to polishing up your presentation skills..... but truth it seems is stranger and more fascinating than fiction. LL has been at the spray tan - oh dear me. oh dearie dearie me - what a disaster. All those hard to reach places that have stayed a fetching pink..eww. He must obvi
Having a slow wind down to the new position, trying hard to tie up loose ends and being damn fine in some areas and possibly sackable in others. Cant get up the energy really, for war or peace. Must be the weather.LL is strutting his funky stuff in the office, thinks he's now in charge...oh to be a fly on the wall when he gets told what I heard over coffee this morning... someone somewhere has woken up - about sodding time...er, sir.And the moral of this tale is - cultivate the cleaning staff -
My petty war is almost over, I have caught lounge lizard with pants down twice now - I feel thats as good a result as it gets. I'm putting in my resignation tommorrow as I've been made an offer I can't refuse. I'd like to say I've been headhunted but it sounds a bit needy and gorblimey loadsadosh chav thing to blag about. Like wearing everything burberry and not seeing the social problem. Posh Spice can't cook - shock horror.I haven't decided on what form the dobbing in of said LL should take
I have had no time to war against the lounge lizard this week, beyond the occasional vicious slice once or twice. Family matters are looming large at the moment, no time for trivial pursuits such as office politics. My heart is in my mouth at the moment and I cannot shed the load of worry anywhere.
Nearly puked today and gave the game clean away. Lounge lizard was so far up the bosses derriere he'll need a plumber to break the seal. Oi Vey! It sucks Jim but not as we know it. Cannot begin to describe the horror and the fascination of watching a true oily git at work. It has a certain unable-to-blink-and-look-away-now charm, if you catch my drift. Perhaps he is the champion after all. How far am I prepared to go to win? Not that far, is the answer to that question. Let down by my less
Whilst I took my eye off the ball, thinking fluffy thoughts, the lounge lizard has struck back on 3 fronts. An eyeball in my mug of tea and a snowman eviscerated on my mousemat! Artistic placement of treasury tags in green and red highlighter everywhere - marks out of ten? Oh a six indeed! And some creative gardening was somehow done in the filing to hide another document and point the searchlight at moi. If in doubt, blub - is the answer to that one. Still, can't lower myself so came out g
Cant help thinking - oh alright - my THERAPIST thinks - I should stop wishing ill on a poor unfortunate. Who, byt the way, is absolutely rubbish at this game of silent upmanship. So the war may well be over, well it will be when I've finished my masterpiece with the white blu-tack. (Sounds all wrong that rather like saying a scarlet panda) Or when I get carried away by the men in their white coats - whichever is the sooner.It's surprising the effect you can get with a few well placed paper cli
War is still progressing, though at a steady 15 miles an hour rather than formula one monaco style of previous weeks, to allow a spot of re-grouping and creative gardening and dazzling footwork. Thought about playing the sex card, but I cant stop the nausea long enough to make a plan involving 'that'. So, everything above board and shipshape and gentlemanly it will be. Marquis of Queensbury rules and all that good stuff, pip pip and may the best man win etc etc.... I cant help it if the inte
Saw on the beeb website that they have been doing blogger awards today. Rather hoped I had sneaked off with 'most promising newcomer' or even 'evil twin' award, but even JKRowling was unrecognised at first, I suppose. Must read a few of the winning ones to make sure I'm hip to the beat and noone's nicking my ideas.. Plan B is ready to be activated - spent the day spying on the lounge lizard whilst ostensibly working across the room under extreme pressure, no time for chat. I cannot believe h
Things is moving along nicely, or sweeeet as my teen says! The episode of the blue donged turd snail seems to have escalated nicely. Fingers pointed in many directions and ended up looking at me! /me grins sheepishly/ 'a big boy did it and ran away?' didn't make any headway in the excuses department and anyway I have used it before on several occasions../eyebrows raised and staring at me over half glasses/ not amused.Part of the plan - people are conditioned to expect certain things from peopl
Ok so it wasn't a snail. Juvenile I can do, I've spent the last 10 years bringing up 2 representatives of the species! How about supadong-on-yer-desk? shock horror. Take that whoever you are.. But wait, has brown nose discovered some balls? Well if he hasn't he certainly will on monday morning. Here's looking at you, matey!!I need a sound file of manic laughter to add here and there, just to save me doing it so often - the neighbours will complain eventually.
Feeling almost at the top of my game. Have been ruthless all day, well hidden behind the mask of concern for that one colleague who will wear the brown nose instead of a red one tommorrow.Very big day tommorrow, many things to do. Is this how madness begins? With small and petty acts of vengeance?! Do I need help? Probably....but not yet
Kids bought me 2 mothers day prezzies - IN with the good air...MIL didn't outstay her welcome - OUT with the baaad....Did a good deed for a neighbour - In with the good air....Tried out my crystal glasses - resolve to use them often. In fact, I'm going to use my nice things more often, whats the point in having lovely things if you never use them? You end up hoarding them without delighting in them for their own sake. Aside from which these glasses can take almost a 3rd of a bottle of wine, n
Had to withdraw temporarily from my campaign to oust lounge lizard yesterday. Had to go up to Noble's for most of the day and today - so plotting was down to a minimum.Not a bad day, just a busy one. Got MIL coming tommorrow, so have been round licking the back of the toilet in case she brings the domestic police with her.Another war waiting to be continued. Sort of like a major skirmish has taken place and both sides withdraw to lick wounds and plan for another day.Memo to self: better up the
Lounge lizard managed to 'loose' a document of mine all day - hah! Call that fighting back, the little toad. Send me an email when he thought I'd gone home - only I hadn't! I am so far ahead of you sonny jim. Evil Bitch strikes back, silently and with soooo much style.Still trying to figure out ebay. Will I be one of the people who gets sent an empty box with a picture of desired item inside? Of course I will be. Why not get the excitement over and done with, and take hold of life again? N
Spring has sprung - I've had 2 wedding invitations today. Dont even have to worry about what to buy them, they've asked for vouchers - I love it when people take charge, no misunderstandings, no 12 toasters and 14 irons on the big day!Got a major project on at work, no time to be bored - I like work when it's busy. Put the lounge lizard from accounts' nose out of joint today - hah! take that you wimp! I can be sexist on my own blog cant I?!Got conjuntivitis too, which is probably more likely
My friend in the Uk is saying a few words - brilliant news. Still dont know what the illness is - total mystery. Frightening how someone can be struck down out of the blue. Memo to self: organise those funeral songs this week! Definitely going to have a Barry White song of lurve in there somewhere. No black and definitely NO lilies thanks. Not sure about a wake - unless its done by someone Irish who really really understands the whole send off business. Not to mention the Yorkshire ham - no
I note on one of the other bloggs someone is awaiting the birth of their child with great anticipation. I'm in the middle of a child/parent cycle where I pretend to be the child and my child is the parent... I've learned how to do ebay yesterday, how to open a paypal account and how to watch the bidding etc etc - how did I manage beforehand I wonder?! My teen daughter is much more patient than I am I watched 'life laundry' for most of the afternoon - thankful that some people are worse hoarder
A radio news items prompts a bit of a snort of disbelief. The one where some soldiers in Horse Guards are supposed to have been up to abuse - forcing a horse to drink x pints of beer and a bottle of wine....!Sorry, but unless they stuck a hose down the poor creature's throat there is no way you can force a horse to drink if it doesn't want to! If the horse likes the taste of beer and/or wine, thats another thing entirely... I'm not agreeing with it or excusing any abuse, just saying that you c
Because I'm feeling pessimistic at the moment, and because my family is not very long lived, I've been making up a shoe-box of memories for each of my children for that day when I'm gone for good or they reach 21 whichever is the sooner. It's serving 2 purposes, I can indulge in a bit of the blues without too much guilt, and also I can hoik out stuff the kids would need to ask me that only your parents would know - eg: did I have chicken pox as a child, what time was I born and tons of other ch
Feel like howling at the full moon tonight... maybe I will.Reminds me spookily of an old track that had a voice saying 'careful with that axe, eugene..' followed by horrendous screaming.... Cannot for the life of me remember who recorded it. Was it Pink Floyd? I cant remember.Staring down at my keyboard wondering what to type and can only think: my keyboard is absolutely filthy, must clean it in case the domestic police come round.Still no more news about the friend in hospital, apparently sh
Seriously tempted along with a zillion other blog virgins to do something along the lines of "captain's blog, stardate.." have managed to hold back somehow3 things that put life into perspective so far this week...A friend of mine has been on a ventilator on and off for almost 2 weeks now in London and last night she opened her eyesAnother friend told me how she thought she had lost her child during a fit on Christmas day this yearMy own child had to go for a general anasthetic this week and it
