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Tonto's Blog

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About this blog

Work/Life Sessions

Entries in this blog

Feb Fest

Someone else has been diagnosed with Hodgkins, older than my daughter, just as angry, just as lost and the Island being so small, they found us. We are thinking of starting a support group, not that we know anything but just to be there if and when. I'm looking at doing a website of just a few pages giving links and contacts and whats where sort of stuff. Perhaps it might help.   Miss my 4x4 terribly AND it hailed on Friday! I just KNOW its gonna snow, dammit! Learning to drive differentl

Tonto

Tonto

De-cluttering

A black day. I've decided to leave the ranks of 4x4 drivers and join the mid-life crisis brigade. Yes, you've guessed it correctly, I'm going to buy a sports car! I know, I know, you're worried about me... but I've only so much time in the desperate housewife set in my training programme to become an awld biddie!   One of the car places in Ramsey has a 240z hidden in the back which i got nostalgic for over the weekend - explaining to No 1 son that this was the vehicle of choice for my boyfr

Tonto

Tonto

Where We Live

Raise the age to buy cigarettes to 18. Lower the voting age to 16 BUT you can't be given advice about homosexuality in school, oh no... an irony to savour fully if it wasn't such a serious issue.   Meanwhile, back at the ranch... number 1 son is now giving us grief about how he felt left out and not considered in any way shape or form last year. Kids, eh?! You just cannot win. I may just lie down in a darkened room and scream and scream till I'm sick. Never expect to be allowed a moment

Tonto

Tonto

Ebay And Other Vices

I've not written for a while, been hanging around with my pal ebay. Doesn't ask anything from me, I can wander through the most amazing shops becoming increasingly smug that however wierd I may be or people may think I am - there are still several layers between me and double ended rubber cod pieces in dayglo orange with furry tassels. Ok I made that one up, but I bet if I looked for them..! I've started going to the 'buy' page and surfing the shops on the 'most bookmarked' list. I try to gues

Tonto

Tonto

Reasons To Be Cheerful

After much blood taking and scanning and the like, we hardly had time to sit down in the professor's side-kick's office to be told, no more drugs, no more poking, not more bloods, everything has gone and is going to plan, come back in a month. I felt more than heard the 'now bugger off'! I felt somewhat agrieved at not getting a fanfare and at least a round of applause.....and then belatedly remembered the time they spent with us when we were terrified and liable to lash out at anyone, from the

Tonto

Tonto

New Year New Life

I fizzed all the way through the festive celebrations. I decided to start early at about lunchtime on Christmas Eve and slowly but steadily worked up to the big champagne-fest that is New Year. I am pleased to say I did not get out of my jim jams all day on New Years day, spending most of it under the duvet with a very bad case of dehydration. I danced my way into 2006 and although I felt awful, at least my body didn't ache - so the gym visits must be doing me some good. We intended to have a q

Tonto

Tonto

Season's Greetings

to one and all, miseryguts is not buying cards this year, but will be making a donation to a local charity. No prizes for guessing which one.   I'm shopped out, dreading joining the M&S queue tommorrow for the damn turkey that seemed like such a fab idea last month. Why cant we all have fish and chips instead?! I went and stood near the food area in M&S at high noon today but even with me loins girded, suited booted and spurred I still couldn't hack it. Turned and ran squealing like

Tonto

Tonto

Nigel Is 19 Now And..

on his gap year teaching in Australia with his partner Arnie from Holland. And you remember Louise, that married the circus performer, well surprisingly enough she's having a baby..!   Heaven help me, it is the round robin season......arrrrrghh! Why Oh Why Oh Why!!!?   I'm on 3 and counting.

Tonto

Tonto

Bog 'n' Roll Blues

If you've ever used one of those upturned water bottle dispensers they have in offices, when you take a glass of water from it, it gurgles and you can see and feel the water/air movement. Well, thats been the continuous state of my insides for the last 3 days. Not well at all. Shades of the moment in Pet Detective when Carey comes out the door of the shark tank all ripped to shreds, wafting his hands back and forth shouting 'do NOT go in there'. Do not need to go any further down the road to th

Tonto

Tonto

Caravanners Monthly

I read something recently that went something like you are supposed to slide into your grave having lived life to the full, martini in one hand chocolate in the other, shouting 'what a ride!' I feel that I could paraphrase that slightly into how I feel about this year. It feels like it was only last week when I started this blog as a bit of fun and what a journey it has turned out to be, me and my voices..! I read it all the other night when feeling tearful and bleary-eyed in drink. I'm suprise

Tonto

Tonto

Off Again

off-island for 4 weeks for what is hopefully the final round of treatment.   For those of you bored rigid by this blog, I hope you will take up the challenge then and knock this off the top of the list, and do your own. I didn't start this for anyone except myself, and seriously did not expect anyone to read it, beyond those like me with personality disorders to unravel. At a future point when all this is over - God willing - I will print it all off and put it in my child's memory box for w

Tonto

Tonto

Most Undignified!

says the man who has been hopping up and down outside the toilet door directly opposite where I am sitting in the waiting area. Goes in there for a suspiciously long amount of time, comes out and leaves the door open - aaaaaaarghh! Then another bloke rushes in, comes out wiping the sweat off his brow and the first guy rushes back in again. Comes out and leaves the door open again...! Why do blokes do this? Is it a thow back to cavemen days when marking the territory was on the wane socially, b

Tonto

Tonto

A Triangle Squared

Last post before the visit to Clatterbridge - sighs of relief all round!Went to the bloods clinic today. Now I try very very hard not to be ageist, being a bit of an old git in training my own self - but hells bells and buckets of blood - i thought i'd wandered up to B&Q on Wednesday by mistake. Even the hand outs you get given have 'old' folk illustrations! I didn't feel young, I just felt sad and tired and irritable. And then one frail ancient lady decided she would get out of her wheelch

Tonto

Tonto

And Another Thing....!

An update for those people concerned about the progress of the Lounge Lizard. He was seen at a 'do' somewhat tired and emotional, still viewing himself as the Manx answer to Mr D'Arcy, giving the girls the benefit of his greasy chat up lines and was latched onto a couple who clearly wished themselves sat at home with a dose of the clap - or indeed anywhere but stood next to Mr Dickless. Said memberless person had no lady friend with him, which means one woman's life must be so MUCH happier!!

Tonto

Tonto

Sitcom Idea

so you have this patient, see? And you have this anxious parent, see? And the patient is running out of drugs....heavyyyyyy ok? So the anxious parent gets patronised by the medic type person and retreats to bunker to restore confidence. Ok so far? Then anxious parent gets call to go get some more drugs, heavyyyyy stuff ok? And anxious parent jumps through increasingly difficult hoops provided by said medic, in order to get stuff for patient... only to find that when parent - now paranoid - ge

Tonto

Tonto

For Every High....

So they go to Clatterbridge for the first time and lets just say that it wasn't what you might call one of our best experiences. NHS conveyor belt took over and they were rushed from pillar to post by people who may be in the top percentile of medical skill and prowess but need to take lessons in the meaning of the words 'customer support'. I know people who have had really positive experience of this hospital, but there was little evidence of it on monday's visit. I wont bore you with the det

Tonto

Tonto

5 6 7 8 ...and.....release..!

Very very good news. The 'lump' is down and out for the count! Only one lot of tablets left to take - the ones you take for gout, bizarrely. The process of weaning off the last of the daily injections is underway and joy of joys is that the chemo line has been removed. We go to Clatterbridge next week to be measured up for the radio and that will begin in about 2 weeks time for 4 weeks. Because of where the radio will be sited, we have been warned of bad sore throats and even a bald patch

Tonto

Tonto

$6m Question

Ok folks this is the big one - everything crossed for tommorrow. How effective has the chemo been and how much radio to expect. Now we do have to go to Clatterbridge - the big 'C'. I feel sick with nerves, I've been to the gym, had a healthy salad and not eaten anything remotely bad for me all day but I feel like I just pigged out big time and want to throw up. Drowning in anxiety whilst my alter-ego stands beside me holding out chocolates! (Bitch!). Nails should be down to the quick and are

Tonto

Tonto

The Sellafield Syndrome?

Title of a bestseller about people on an Island being affected by pollution....possibly..maybe   Another person just a year or so older than my child has just been diagnosed with the same thing. I know what they must be going through and now, I know that others who have been reading this blog know too.   Perhaps I will have company now howling at the moon. I feel for them, I really do.

Tonto

Tonto

The Bellsh The Bellsh..

I am going mad, slowly but shorely, its trooo.... Its not this week, so all those standing by their beds from last week may now stand down - yes that means you too, your maj. A scan here some time this week and then a trip over to LPL. I cant stand the suspense, its driving one completely bonkers. And yours too no doubt! Whenever will she finish, the whinging old bag...I know I feel your pain...   I have taken up health in a big way, joined the gym, tried to diet sensibly and have tonight tr

Tonto

Tonto

So Near

Saw the happy foreign porter again, had to smile. What an employee! I just visit Liverpool Royal to catch a glimpse of him!I have read so many glossy mags - if you want to know who's doing what to whom and for how long, not to mention how much, whats in and whats out - I'm your woman. It is possible to be so bored your bum goes numb, I can report. Do I care about some bloke caught having it off with the nanny? Do I care about some supermodel caught doing drugs? Not a jot, sorry. Sorry I waste

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Guest

Those Long Winter Nights

we're on week 11 next week and only one more to go after that, all things being equal, God willing and all that. Then radio at clatterbridge - another new place to take on board. painless but very tiring is the word on the street.Had a bit of a scare last week, suffice to say that damage to nerve endings in your fingers and toes is ALSO a side effect of chemo. have been told that it can take as much as 2 years for the feeling to come back...feeling really dodgy today, going to take to my bed

Guest

Guest

And Finally...almost

I'm starting to feel very self conscious about me blog. It was ok before when I knew it was just me and a couple of others reading my stuff. Now I'm feeling a bit exposed. What if someone puts 2 and 2 together and works it out? Not worried for my sake, just my child who has enough to deal with. You might think I have more important things to worry about - and smartypants, yes indeed I do - however some things are beyond my control, outwith the domestic circle etc etc and therefore, in this wom

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Guest

A For Apron Strings The Cutting Thereof..

Went for treatment to Liverpool without us today - one of the hardest things I've ever had to do...let go....and if I find it difficult, heaven alone knows how the huntergatherer is holding up! Waiting for the car to arrive, coming back off the last flight. How did people manage during the war without going completely off their rockers? All that waiting and waiting, must have been like an eternity, but then everyone was in it together in the same boat.....dont know what to do with myself

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Guest

Jonah Effect

I mention the big F in my column and she drops off her perch...spooky stuff.So, we are now on the final cycle of 4 weeks. Cant believe we have come so far, it feels like only yesterday when the bottom dropped out of my world. Now an old hand giving a helping hand to the newbies. Simply frightening how quickly that has happened. One lady of 20 was in a tearful state about her 'line' being blocked and having to have it changed to the other arm, and my child sits down next to her and explains how

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